Trust & Who We Are

Hey, Readers,

Have you ever noticed people whose energies and personalities seem totally out of line with what they say they do?

I have. In the past, and again today, a similar thing.

In college, for instance, one of my friends and I got into a course that was usually for Nursing students only, because it fulfilled a core requirement we needed and overlapped with our studies in theatre. It was a course on bioethics and how narratives (theatre, fictional stories, non-fictional accounts, etc.) can help have difficult conversations about ethics in medicine. So it was myself, and one of my theatre friends, in a class full of people who were studying to be Nurses.

Long story short, not only did half of the Nurses-to-be in the class have poor attitudes and not seem to care at all about other people's needs, but a few of them actually actively fought back against having to learn about other people's views and needs, arguing that the Western medical system always knows best and everyone needs to just deal with it.

Needless to say, I hope no one I know ever ends up with such uncompassionate nursing care. But it's out there. There are a ton of people in fields like that because the medical field makes money, and has a certain amount of prestige. Thankfully there are also those out there who are amazingly caring and compassionate, and passionate about their work helping people--PEOPLE, not just names on clipboards, not just means to a paycheck. One such nurse is a friend of mine who also happens to be a High Priestess. Another is my partner's mother, who recently retired from many, many years caring for people. A third, though not a Nurse but a Nurse's Aid, is my mother. My mother cares deeply about people, who they really are, what they really want and need.

But, this isn't about Nurses. That was just an example, one of the more startling experiences I had, in that classroom with these people who were meant to care about people and flat out refused to do so. This is about people whose personalities make them seem out of place with what they're doing. Nurses who don't care about people seems a little odd, if the way you think of nurses is as people who care for others. Care-givers. Nurturers. Nurturers who don't nurture? Seems like maybe something else would be more suited to their personality and views, right?

Yoga Review

Hey, Readers,

It's been a while since I posted anything here, and to be honest, it was almost longer! Then I realized that instead of posting this on Facebook, I could make it a blog and simply link to it there. So here we are. =) I've blogged about my Yoga practice in the past, but life got busy and I stopped attending classes (after only going to my first two ever!) and then, eventually, stopped making time to do it at home regularly. This year, I got my butt (and the rest of me) in gear and went to another class, at a different studio. I've now gone to three within a two week span, and plan to possibly attend TWO more tomorrow.

How did I suddenly find the time and money for this? It just so happened that the Yoga studio I've started attending was having a 50% off sale on their One Month Unlimited Yoga pass, so I took them up on the offer knowing that if I attend even five classes within that 30-day span of time, it'd be well worth it. Well, here we are, three classes down, maybe soon to be five, and still three weeks left on my pass. I feel great, and I'm progressing pretty well within my own practice! Tonight I learned a few adjustments that I'm trying to incorporate into my muscle memory, so when I got home, I decided to record a few poses in order to see what they look like and where I am with them now. These poses are by no means "exact," but they are different for everyone and different variations and modifications are available depending on what your body needs, so here is just a look at where I am right now with the poses I chose to look at tonight. I don't know all of their Sanskrit names, so I'll call them by their English monikers here.

Promises to Self (Yoga)

Hey, Readers,

One of the hardest things about being solitary is keeping your own schedule. If you work alone and something comes up, it's easy to put it off until another time or postpone it indefinitely, because at least you're not letting anyone else down, and you can justify it to yourself fairly easily!

In this case, I haven't been to Yoga in weeks. I only went to two classes so far, two weeks in a row, at the end of March and beginning of April. Last time I was there, I paid for the "new student" package of the next three classes--The one I attended that day, and two more. So I have two classes paid for that I haven't attended yet! This just means that whenever I get there again, the next two times I go are already paid. But after the last class I attended, I was extremely busy all the days they offer the particular class I attend. I could go almost any night and take a DIFFERENT class, but I really think the one I've been going to is the best for my level right now. The class is offered Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and Sunday mornings. Lately I've been doing other things on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and of course I'm in church on Sunday mornings. So I've just gone weeks without going back to class.

The good thing is that I have managed to practice Yoga at home during that down time. At least I can say that much! I didn't do it every single week, but some weeks I would do it multiple days as I felt like it, and others just for a few minutes since I had some time.

Tonight, I decided I would try to get to class again. The class has always begun at 6:30pm, so 5:15 came around and I thought I would have time to eat dinner, have some down time, and then head to class. But I checked the schedule on the website just to see if I could make a class later this week, in case I didn't make it today, and discovered not only that I still can't make the other classes this week, but the Beyond Basics class I usually attend has also been changed to 5:30pm. So I lost an hour, and I haven't eaten anything all day so I definitely don't want to go on an empty stomach. And there's no way I could eat enough in fifteen minutes and get there in time, besides the fact that you're not supposed to eat right before a Yoga class. So due to health reasons, I decided staying home to eat would be better than rushing to class, especially since the teacher is so intense, she'd have me working HARD. Not good on an empty stomach and low sleep.

Here comes the promise part. In order to feel like I'm not just making excuses over and over, week after week, I have to keep a promise to myself to practice on my own. If I've elected to stay home and eat, giving me the rest of the evening to myself (since my Pagan Perspective video is uploading), then I should ideally practice a little on my own this evening. I have ALL NIGHT to use, so I can break it up into just a few poses at a time with long breaks in between, or I can set aside an hour to play some meditative music and just work on as many poses as I can during that time. However I choose to do it, I should do it.

In the Women's Circle I attended last Sunday, for the girls in Coming of Age at church, we talked about the word "should" and how "You should not should on yourself." The word is problematic at best, especially when other people ask me what they should do. Well I don't know what anyone should do, and I don't presume to tell them what to do! But in this case, I don't think this is coming from outside myself. I don't think I feel that I should work a little on my Yoga tonight due to anyone else judging me. Why should I do it? Because I feel that it helps me, and I recognize that I haven't had the time, so I need to make the time.

If I want something to happen, I have to work for it. Whether it be Yoga, work, magick, relationships, or any other part of life. Why should I do this? Why should I do anything? Because I want to. Because I feel that it helps me. Because I am responsible for my own enlightenment.

Blessings~
-C-

Yay, Yoga!

Hey, Readers!

As usual, there seem to be several topics I'd like to blog about now... Maybe I really should start trying this "scheduled posts" thing. I haven't covered all the subjects I told you back in February I wanted to get to (measuring progress, sex magick, magick and mental state, prejudice reduction, and more), and as I go on living, more and more important topics come up. But this time, I'm going to talk about a very recent topic.

Sneak peek! Still from a video I'll be uploading on
cutewitch772 in a couple days!

Yoga! 

Last night, I went to my very first Yoga class. My experience with Yoga the past several years has been learning poses completely on my own (I recently learned that something I used to do in elementary school is actually Eagle Pose!), or being taught certain stretches in theatre or dance classes, but not being taught them AS Yoga, in a Yoga setting. So while I have done Yoga in theatre and dance, I'd never taken a class specifically in Yoga.

The studio is literally a minute from my Grams' house, where I live now. The sign by the road says "Opening April 7" so I didn't worry about it, but I finally checked out their website on Tuesday night and found out the sign is from a previous year, and they've been having classes all this time! So I looked at the descriptions, decided that I'm at an appropriate level for the "Beyond Basics" class (I already have knowledge of basic poses and sun salutations but probably am not ready for full Vinyasa), and went to the class last night. The first class is free, and new students get a discount on the next three classes, so I paid nothing last night and learned a lot.

There were only three of us in the class, plus the teacher, who is probably not much older than me herself. She was very helpful, and the small class size is perfect for one-on-one attention. I told the teacher when I arrived that I've mostly been teaching myself Yoga for years, so I think I'm at what they consider an intermediate level, but I really want to find out where I am since this is my first formal practice. She was so helpful! When doing certain poses, I was able to ask her if I was doing the pose correctly, since I usually either have to feel it myself or check my reflection. So it was great to get instant feedback--"Great form!" "Lift up a little more here," "Good adjustment," "Can you straighten that knee? Good!" There is a LOT to remember within one pose, and if you concentrate on fixing one thing, you may forget something else you had gotten right before.

The biggest difference for me in this class was that in theatre and dance, we're taught to do certain stretches and if you can't do them, you reach toward it and hopefully your body will work up to it through continued practice. So for certain things, I would do a stretch or pose as I best could but hold back certain things because I knew I couldn't stretch that far yet (I'm very out of practice...). However, in Yoga, the emphasis appears to be more on having the right body position right now, whatever way you have to get there, rather than just stretching gradually and building up to it. I had never used any props before, because I'm used to just working my own body and that's all. But in class, the teacher was quick to place blankets, bolsters, blocks, or anything we needed in order to help us reach the right pose.

Seated on floor.

Seated on rolled up towel for support.

In the above pictures, my straddle width is only improved a small amount by sitting up on a prop, but my back alignment is changed a lot. It's hard to see in two pictures, but if you could toggle back and forth between the two photos, as I can in my Pictures file, you would be able to see that sitting up on the towel does help my back remain straighter. I never even knew I had a problem with that, because the back is not the focus of this stretch in theatre or dance, so no one pointed it out.

It was unusual for me to use props to help a pose, instead of just making myself DO it. But I can see why it's more beneficial to have the correct body alignment while practicing and still work up to maybe doing it on your own, as opposed to practicing with the wrong alignment and possibly not getting the same benefit. Even the teacher sat on a bolster for many poses. The students are all at different levels of practice, have individual strengths and weaknesses, injuries and health problems that prevent certain things, and yet they can all share the same, very small classroom. Yoga doesn't require you to be flexible immediately, nor to be strong or perfectly balanced or spiritually developed. Yoga is a practice just like so many of the things we do. Anyone can start, everyone can benefit, and things develop over time. I made a few personal improvements in just one 1.5 hour practice. All it takes is determination, willingness to learn, positive attitude, and a suitable environment to support your own progress. The extra set of eyes from a trained teacher helps, too. I learned poses on my own and will always practice at home, but there are little things a teacher can really help with. Someday I'd like to teach one or all of the practices I personally do, because I want to help other people the way that great teachers have helped me.

Om. Shanti, Shanti, Shanti. (Brings back memories of being in HAIR.)
Namaste.

-C-