Working Witch

Hey, Readers,

As always, there are several topics I want to address here, but I've been so busy lately that I haven't had much time at all to sit down and write, make videos, or do much of anything that I usually do! So this is just a quick update to let you all know what's been going on that's keeping me from my online life.

Firstly, everyone probably knows by now (especially if you watch my YouTube channel) that I've been assistant-directing/stage managing a teen musical. Tech week for that show begins this Sunday, after which I will be there EVERY DAY for rehearsals and the shows next weekend.

Secondly, last week I acquired a job working at the Medieval Faire, selling runes! My employer is a musician, well-known to the faires around here, and he's recently re-opened his Runeworks business. My mother is friends with him on Facebook so she heard he wanted to hire a salesperson and got us in contact. He hired me last week and this past Saturday and Sunday were my first weekend ever as a vendor at the faire, rather than a patron. It was different in a lot of ways, but very fun, and I look forward to the next five weekends. Although it does mean that I can't attend Circle meetings or field trips we had planned, the faire is a great reason to miss a few things.

Between those two jobs and the fact that my boyfriend is home for summer break, I have been very busy. But add onto that one final thing, and you've got a crazy busy theatre-filled summer for me. Yesterday I learned that the group from my college (whence I recently graduated, in 2012) wants me back to work the summer theatre camp. I can't do all of it because of the show I'm already working on, but they want me to work the mornings. So my upcoming week looks like this:

• Early morning drive to campus (the first day)
• Be on campus working on theatre camp until early afternoon
• Drive to musical
• Rehearse/perform musical
• Drive back to campus
• Sleep on campus
• Wake up early morning and start camp again
• Repeat list from second entry

Busy, busy! And in these busy times, it's more than important to find some quiet time. I've enjoyed coming home to my boyfriend each evening after a long day of theatre, to have some dinner and maybe watch a movie, and then go to bed. There is no real back yard here, but there is some grass I can walk around in while on the phone. And I don't have all my personal items here yet, so I don't have an altar space or anything like that, but I still sing and chant in my car while driving to and from work, keep herbs hanging from my car visors, brake for animals sent by the Goddess, and of course, I constantly represent my faith in real life and online. I've been keeping up with messages on YouTube, and with emails, as well as having conversations with people in person about what I believe. A friend of mine recently learned through several conversations that I'm Pagan, and asked me to explain a bit about my beliefs. Many of my cast members have commented on my pentacle necklaces. The Medieval Faire is a great place to meet other pagans and generally like-minded folks, and the people I'm working with on the musical also have similar views (see previous post).

So no, I haven't been doing any ritual or spellcraft recently, owing largely to my hectic schedule, but that never means that I am not being an active member of my faith. I know that a lot of people often struggle with these times, thinking that they're slacking or not doing enough, so I hope this will be a reassuring thing for them. I am not only a witch when in circle, and odds are, neither are you.

Blessings~
-C-

Post-Solstice

Hey, Readers,

Once again, there are several things I want to talk about, and they keep piling up before I decide what to talk about and when. So I'll start with the first one I can think of and move on from there. Sometimes, it is best to begin at the beginning.

An obligatory post-solstice note. On the eve of the solstice, I spent hours of the day divining with my oracle cards. I wore a "witchy" outfit to rehearsal and got back to the house around 10pm. Grams asked me to fetch the mail, so I used that as an excuse to spend a few extra minutes outside in the dark--after which I composed this Tweet:

Click to view on Twitter

On Solstice Day/Litha/Midsummer, I spent most of the day on the warm, sunny porch, again working with my cards and generally soaking up the sun (not physically--wear sunblock!). On Sunday I had a Circle meeting where we were scheduled to watch a documentary about mythology and perform a Solstice celebration ritual. (I Tweeted a photo of my gold toned attire.) We ended up spending the first hour and a half of our meeting playing with the adorable foster kittens my friend is caring for, and then finally getting to the documentary a while later after some snacks. It was a History channel Clash of the Gods episode about Medusa, which certainly makes you view the gods in a different way. But after that, no one else seemed interested in doing a solstice ritual. Nothing formal was planned but I don't mind spontaneity, so I was hoping to get to do something. However, everyone else was content to just eat and chat for the next couple hours. So I'm very glad that before going to Circle, I went to a local park/nature reserve by myself, found a secluded spot in the woods off the main trail, and did a short devotion there. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gotten to do anything for the sabbat at all.

Oh, and afterwards it was still light out at 6:30pm, so I went to the lake by my old house where I had celebrated Litha last year at dawn, and where Willow resides. The beach has been grown over a lot by grass, and algae creeped along the water line so that I had to search for a section of water I could wade into. I shared freshly picked strawberries and blueberries with the fish, and left some for Willow, as well. It all made me think of the song we had listened to in church that morning--"Canned Goods" by folk singer, Greg Brown. This is the video of it that we watched during service.

~

Fast forward to Monday evening at rehearsal, and the director and I were walking toward the back door to get something from her car when we passed by the tech director. The director asked of him, "How was your Solstice soirée?" He proceeded to describe how he and his kids (two of my cast members) went to a show reunion party and then to the Observatory Park for the solstice event. Then he asked me how my solstice was. Mind you, I have not told anyone there that I'm pagan, though I do wear pagan jewelry every day, so if they know what it is, it's visible. No one's ever said anything, though. So I told him, I was supposed to go to a group celebration but we just watched a documentary instead and no one wanted to do a celebration, to which he responded, "Oh, TELL ME they didn't blow off an esbat for a documentary!" Not just everyone in the world knows the word "esbat." All in all, this summer working with the show has been a lot better than last year when the young kids always managed to work the topic of dying into the conversation, which was followed up by going to Hell, the devil, Satan, and so on. This year, I've received multiple compliments on my pentacles (I wore a few different ones over the past three weeks), heard about a cast member's love of Greek mythology and who her divine parents would be if she were a demi-god, and had a short conversation about everyone's solstice/esbat plans. The director has always randomly talked about solstices and full moons, all the years I've known her, and she wears a lot of crystal jewelry. But I never let myself assume that meant she was pagan/a witch/anything similar, whatever the term. And I was never aware if she knew that I was. But it certainly is an interesting feeling to have someone whose religious affiliation you don't know, ask you casually about your sabbat. Through years of being met with strange reactions, I got used to editing my statements so as not to startle people. I even said "celebration" instead of "ritual" when I described what I did, just to feel it out and see what was really going on. Might I live in a world where finally, a question like "How did ritual go?" is as commonplace as "What did you learn in school today?"

Click to view on Twitter

Blessings, and I hope you had a Happy Solstice~
-C-

Updates and Upcomings

Hey, Readers,

This post is going to be full of links!

I want to take this opportunity to tell you what's been going on and what's coming up, as I recently posted an "Update" video on my YouTube channel, so this is another place to update. I'll talk a bit about what's been going on online, what's upcoming, and then also what's been going on/upcoming in my personal life.

Online:
What's passed:

• I spent a week at my younger brother's house, during which time we made a few videos together. We visited a waterfall, searched for my cat, and then hiked around a bit a few days later. (I also went to another park on my own.) There is at least one more topic we want to do a video about, which we may visit at a later date. It is metaphysical-related, so I'll keep it a secret until we do the video, but it should be enjoyable!
• I posted an update video, as I said.
• This past week on Pagan Perspective was on elements and how we work with them. The week before that was on Books of Shadows and other sorts of books we keep.

What's to come:

• I'm currently uploading the next video that I said in my update video was coming up--an update of my 2009 "Five Must Haves" video. This video talks a bit about physical items I feel I "must have" for my practice (meaning the things I LIKE to have), but also gets into non-physical traits and qualities that I feel allow me to practice the way I do, such as honesty, humility, and so on.
• After that video, the next two uploads will be about coming out of the broom closet. The first video is about how I told my family (mother, Rev. Rose) about my path and how I worked it out with her, which I've talked about before, but I mostly talked about it on Pagan Perspective. The last time I made a video about it on cutewitch772 was in 2009, guest starring my mother, so this one is an update just from me alone. The second video is "For Parents" (or guardians or other loved ones), addressing the people on the OTHER side of this issue.
• To go along with my "For Parents" video, I am asking my mother, Rev. Rose, to make a video about the subject from her point of view, as a Universalist type Christian, as a ULC minister, as a non-pagan mother of a pagan child. She will watch my video before doing hers, because she likes to respond to what I've already said as a sort of structure or outline for her response, so her video will be up significantly after mine, but we'll have it to look forward to.
• Yesterday and today I recorded a new t-shirt recon video (which is more relevant to my other blog).
• And today I recorded a book review of a Catholic book, which will be posted... erm, probably in a couple weeks, judging by the list of videos I have to post first!

That's quite a lot of links, isn't it? Explore!

Personal Life:

What's passed:

• 3 June began the summer theatre workshop for which I am the Assistant Director/Stage Manager, or in Theatre-speak, the AD/SM (which is just said as letters, A-D-S-M). I'm working on a teen version of Shrek, the Musical. It's much more politically incorrect than you'd expect if you've seen the movies. I quite enjoy it!
• I applied for another part-time job at a retail/garden shop/farmers market type place. Not sure I'll hear back from them because Sundays are really my only busy day and they appear to only need workers all day on Sundays.
• I've done a lot of cleaning and organizing and moving my belongings, sorting them into what I want to keep and what I can either try to sell or donate or give to people I know. This is in anticipation of moving to another kind person's house where I can stay until I move still elsewhere.
• I started reading The Lovely Bones. I haven't seen the movie, but I own the book.
• My boyfriend was in town briefly, between the end of his grad school year and his summer visit to his family across the country. So I'm glad we got to have a brief day and a half together. He'll be back next month.
• I am now the co-chair of the environmental committee at my UU church.

What's to come:

• Several more weeks of the theatre workshop.
• More job applications. (Seriously what happened to jobs that end at 5pm so I can still do theatre in the evenings? Or jobs that let you have Sundays free for religious activities or personal time? Or jobs in theatre or religion that pay well?! =P)
• More reading. More studying. More watching. More more more.
• This month I will be able to attend my Magick Class meeting because the director of the workshop gave me the night off. But she's taking the cast to see Shrek, the Musical at another theatre that evening, so I will miss that instead.
• Next week I have a Circle meeting and I believe we'll be focusing on mythology.
• Next month is the anniversary of my circle (when they started it, of course I wasn't there then), so we'll be having a party, and also taking a trip to Lily Dale, NY in August.
• My birthday is in August. I'll be 23.

That's about as far ahead as I have any plans, so that's all! I really just wanted to take this time while my video is uploading to update this blog in some way, and this seemed the most appropriate, before I dive into anything new. That's why I made the update video for my YouTube channel, as well.

Every so often, it's good to step out of the routine and just take stock of everything. It's the same reason why I sometimes prefer to get stopped at red lights. It gives me a chance to look around, breathe, and ready myself for the next move.

Blessings~

-C-

Promises to Self (Yoga)

Hey, Readers,

One of the hardest things about being solitary is keeping your own schedule. If you work alone and something comes up, it's easy to put it off until another time or postpone it indefinitely, because at least you're not letting anyone else down, and you can justify it to yourself fairly easily!

In this case, I haven't been to Yoga in weeks. I only went to two classes so far, two weeks in a row, at the end of March and beginning of April. Last time I was there, I paid for the "new student" package of the next three classes--The one I attended that day, and two more. So I have two classes paid for that I haven't attended yet! This just means that whenever I get there again, the next two times I go are already paid. But after the last class I attended, I was extremely busy all the days they offer the particular class I attend. I could go almost any night and take a DIFFERENT class, but I really think the one I've been going to is the best for my level right now. The class is offered Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and Sunday mornings. Lately I've been doing other things on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and of course I'm in church on Sunday mornings. So I've just gone weeks without going back to class.

The good thing is that I have managed to practice Yoga at home during that down time. At least I can say that much! I didn't do it every single week, but some weeks I would do it multiple days as I felt like it, and others just for a few minutes since I had some time.

Tonight, I decided I would try to get to class again. The class has always begun at 6:30pm, so 5:15 came around and I thought I would have time to eat dinner, have some down time, and then head to class. But I checked the schedule on the website just to see if I could make a class later this week, in case I didn't make it today, and discovered not only that I still can't make the other classes this week, but the Beyond Basics class I usually attend has also been changed to 5:30pm. So I lost an hour, and I haven't eaten anything all day so I definitely don't want to go on an empty stomach. And there's no way I could eat enough in fifteen minutes and get there in time, besides the fact that you're not supposed to eat right before a Yoga class. So due to health reasons, I decided staying home to eat would be better than rushing to class, especially since the teacher is so intense, she'd have me working HARD. Not good on an empty stomach and low sleep.

Here comes the promise part. In order to feel like I'm not just making excuses over and over, week after week, I have to keep a promise to myself to practice on my own. If I've elected to stay home and eat, giving me the rest of the evening to myself (since my Pagan Perspective video is uploading), then I should ideally practice a little on my own this evening. I have ALL NIGHT to use, so I can break it up into just a few poses at a time with long breaks in between, or I can set aside an hour to play some meditative music and just work on as many poses as I can during that time. However I choose to do it, I should do it.

In the Women's Circle I attended last Sunday, for the girls in Coming of Age at church, we talked about the word "should" and how "You should not should on yourself." The word is problematic at best, especially when other people ask me what they should do. Well I don't know what anyone should do, and I don't presume to tell them what to do! But in this case, I don't think this is coming from outside myself. I don't think I feel that I should work a little on my Yoga tonight due to anyone else judging me. Why should I do it? Because I feel that it helps me, and I recognize that I haven't had the time, so I need to make the time.

If I want something to happen, I have to work for it. Whether it be Yoga, work, magick, relationships, or any other part of life. Why should I do this? Why should I do anything? Because I want to. Because I feel that it helps me. Because I am responsible for my own enlightenment.

Blessings~
-C-

Beltane '13

Hey, Readers!

Beltane is a sabbat I have never really gotten to celebrate with a big event.

A few years ago, I have a video from Beltane where my friends and I were doing a Blitz theatre production, because it was on a weekend, and that took up my whole weekend. Last year on Beltane, I was in London at a museum. This year I was at my boyfriend's house, enjoying my time with him since he was only here for five days in between school sessions. I would have had an opportunity last weekend to participate in a small group ritual for Beltane, but they scheduled it on the only Sunday in April that I couldn't make it due to my boyfriend's visit and our lunch with some other friends from my church.

I know that the group's plan was to have a bonfire and hang prayer/wish ribbons on a bush, rather than having a full sized May-Pole. My friend offered to write my wishes on ribbons for me since I couldn't make it, but I didn't have her do so since I didn't have time to really think about what I would wish for, and would rather have done it in the moment myself. If I had been at home (Grams' house, instead of my boyfriend's house), I would have at least gone outside to meditate or something, or maybe gone to a local park. Since I was away from home, with really nothing at all and no special place of my own outdoors, I went without any formal celebration. Instead, I just spent various moments throughout the day thinking about the sabbat and what it means to me. (That, and I played the wonderful, humourous song, "First of May" by Jonathan Coulton, for my boyfriend and our friend who was visiting, hahaha.)

At the medieval faire--Not a maypole at the moment,
but this is the same pole and wreath set-up they have
used for maypoles in the past!

Beltane is a sabbat I associate mostly with the may pole (or other things involving weaving ribbons and symbols of unity), balefires/bonfires, and the "wedding" or union of the God and Goddess. It is a fertility festival, but this is not only literal in relation to human beings and animals--It is also the desire and intent for fertile fields and a plentiful harvest for the year. Spring is a time of beginnings, plantings, potential, and promise. It is a time of hope, but also active preparation. Beltane is often the time when many of us here in the northern hemisphere finally see and feel the spring weather which we welcomed and beckoned at Ostara, the vernal equinox. As such, this may be the time people feel the urge to "spring clean." In the wheel of the year, Beltane is the time when the God and Goddess unite, which some think of as their literal "marriage" in the sense we modern humans use the term, or merely their coming together sexually to promote fertility of the earth.

If I were to celebrate this festival a way I feel would be appropriate, I would want the following elements to occur:

• Bonfire. Absolute must-have. And either a smaller fire elsewhere for people to jump over, or at least a time when the main bonfire is let low enough for jumping.
• A maypole dance! That means several people celebrating together!
• If not a maypole, then at least everyone would get ribbons to weave/tie together, wear, hang on branches, etc.
• Possibly a play, with two people portraying the God and Goddess, dancing together. Some things I've read talk about crowning a May King and Queen. It's all symbolism to me, really, so however it works is fine by me.
• If not a play or two specific people portraying the roles, then at least all involved having the basic idea of being a guest at a divine union of Universal balance.
• Gardening. There will be flowers. Maybe even planting things.
• Drum circle. Because they're awesome.
• And then of course the more private symbolic celebration, not to be shared with the group. =)

As I said, Beltane is one of the sabbats I've never really gotten to celebrate, which is odd since I feel it's one of the easiest ideas for people to grasp or remember. But it's just never worked out! Still, even just taking some time to reflect on the significance of the moment is important to me--acknowledging the day and the season, not just letting it go by unnoticed. I think a lot of us struggle to find time for what people think of as "proper celebrations, rituals, etc." but that doesn't mean we do nothing at all. Not everything needs a full ritual. Not everything needs a whole group (though I do think celebrating sabbats is more fun with more people). And if everyday we live our connection to the land, nature, the Universe, and whatever we view as Deity, so much the better. Each holiday is no different than every other day we don't choose to mark with elevated significance, and each blends into the next, becoming not just important dates we cannot miss and those other days when we do whatever, but a solid string of solid, individual, holy days. It is merely helpful to take time every so often to stop, take stock of what's going on around us, and just to notice and honor it.

That said, I do look forward to Midsummer.

Blessings~

-C-

Back-Pack Back-Up Plan

Hey, Readers,

One of my good friends is a high school teacher, but his back-up plan is to sell everything he owns and use the money to travel the world, carrying only the essentials he can manage, and living at various locations where people provide room and board in exchange for doing a few hours of work each day. Aside from what he points out as the downside--losing the security of having a set income and place to live--I completely agree with this back-up plan. It sounds like a really great thing to do, if you can.

Right now, I'm not sure what's going to happen for me. I can't really stay here, though it was decided as the best option for me, and the other possibilities all have drawbacks of their own. I hope to hear back from the jobs I applied for soon (one sounded very promising, they just still have not gotten back to me, just like every other job so far... I wish people would at least get back to you to say "No"), and I'm sure I'll get a summer theatre position but those workshops simply don't start immediately so I have to wait until the shows begin. But even with a job coming soon, this living arrangement is not going to work for the two more years I have until I can get a place with my significant other, who will have completed his Master's degree by then.

I've only been here since December, and it's only just now beginning to warm up a bit. I have only just begun to be able to use my downstairs living space, to be warm enough without having to bundle up in a clump of blankets, so that I can sit and meditate or walk around my altar/coffee table. The convenience of warmth is only just beginning. I have barely begun to be able to enjoy what is supposed to be my own basement bedroom/apartment (minus kitchen and bathroom which I would still have to go upstairs for). Through the winter, I had to sleep upstairs due to the cold, and keep my clothes and other daily essentials there. I wasn't able to spend time outside, or to perform ritual. The time for that has just come. And now I may have to leave it soon.

I wish I didn't have to choose between someone I love and avoiding people I can't stand. I wish there were more separation. But life is like that. With the good comes some bad, and with the bad, some good. By getting rid of everything I can, I lose some items that maybe had meaning to me or somewhere down the line I find myself saying "Oh darn it, I HAD one of those, if only I had kept it!" (Which is my worst fear about getting rid of clothes that I don't wear daily but which OFTEN have been used as costumes!) But I also lose the feeling of being so stuck in a place that I can't leave it if I need to. By leaving, I leave someone I don't want to leave behind with the rest, but I also potentially gain more independence and general happiness. I imagine that even though selling everything you own and traveling the world as you can does mean a bit of insecurity and trouble to get through when you want to settle back down again, there is also so much to find.

But people like me? I can't even begin to entertain that idea until I get myself to a place where I can fit everything into my car if I need to, and go.

Wish me luck and safe passage.
Blessings~
-C-

Yule Celebrations!

Hey, Readers!

In my last post, I briefly mentioned that I had several possible plans for Yule, but no definites. Here's what has turned out!

The women's group I've been attending circles with already had their Yule celebration last weekend, but I had to work so I couldn't make it. I actually got sent home from work sick that day, so I was technically free but was ill and slept to regain my health instead. (It's just a cold, but I work at a health care facility, so I can't be at work around patients if I have ANY kind of symptoms. I've been sent home several times before because of my stomach issues and nausea, as well.) So anyway, I missed that celebration and their planned gift exchange.

My friend... (I'll start calling him my friend, because he used to be my drama club director in high school, but now I'm an adult and his wife is the temporary minister of the church I attend so we have a different relationship now... Friend is also much easier to say!) Therefore, my friend is performing a winter solstice service for a mixed group on Friday and he's invited me to attend that! It's a long drive for me, and it takes place shortly after I get off work, but I'm going to ask my boss tomorrow if I could leave work a little earlier on Friday in order to make it. If not, I will just get there RIGHT on time or a bit late, but I plan to attend that.

And the final option for celebration was to do something with my ex-boyfriend and his recently-wedded wife at their home. All they thought of to do was dinner and a bonfire, and I did really want to include a fire in my celebration, so I might go just for that. With the mixed group service being earlier and so far away, I'm not sure what time I'd be back to have dinner, so I'm not positive about this third one. I'm not even sure I want to celebrate with them, since I know there's quite a bit of love lost and I've also recently learned that my ex now believes in a lot of things he was never interested in when we dated, which disagree with my practice entirely. So it looks like it would be increasingly difficult to find common ground for an actual group celebration.

Anyway, those are the plans and possibilities! I will be sure to write about whatever ends up happening.

Have a happy holiday season, all!
Blessings~
-C-