Positive Reactions

Hey, Readers,

As members of a minority religion/spiritual path which is still largely misunderstood in the United States (I don't know about other countries first hand), we often swap stories of prejudice and discrimination. Often, these stories are funny and provide an opportunity for us to laugh at our own stereotypes and feel a sense of bonding--we are not the only ones to experience these negative situations and we can grow from them together. Stories of negative experience are important, both for this camaraderie, and for educating the rest of the public as to the prejudice that, yes, actually happens.

If you're anything like me, you've also heard people talk about how much we "complain" or "cry discrimination," or say that we like to feel persecuted because it makes us feel special in some way. (If you haven't heard those things, good for you and the people around you!) But far from always crying about how prejudiced against we are, and how horrible it is to be a minority, we also have a lot of great, positive stories of acceptance. I'd like to share some recent stories of mine that fall under that positive category.

During my recent job as stage manager for a teen musical workshop, I got a lot of compliments on my various pentacle necklaces! Kind words came from both my cast, ages ranging from 12 to 17, and from my co-workers on the crew, ages ranging 14 to maybe in their 40s. You already heard in a previous blog entry about the director and tech director asking me about my sabbat and esbat (the summer solstice this year fell close to a full moon), but here are some other short exchanges that I haven't already told you:

1. While standing behind the box office counter at the theatre, one of my female cast members leaned over the counter to look at my jewelry. I was engaged in another task and did not notice until she asked, "Hey, what's your necklace?" Having heard a lot of Christian-centric banter the previous summer at the same theatre, I wasn't sure whether the teen crowd was as religious as the younger kids I'd worked with before, so after a moment's hesitation when I wasn't sure how I would phrase my answer, I simply told her the truth. "It's a Goddess pentacle," I said. "Oh!" she smiled and said, "That's really pretty."
2. Another evening, the youngest girl on the cast (12) got a look at another of my pentacles, and simply said "I really like your necklace!" Probably not all kids raised in a Christian town would recognize what a pentacle is, but this girl is very sharp. I've worked with her twice now. If she doesn't already know the meaning of the symbol, I'm sure she'll find out.
3. One of the first nights I started working in the booth with my board ops, I was wearing my moon phase pentacle and one of my ops asked, "Are those the moon phases on your necklace?" After I said yes, he said "That's really cool." The other board op, overhearing this, took a closer look and agreed, "Yeah, that is really cool." My board ops are 14 and 16, and both atheist/agnostic.
4. One of the show nights, I again wore my Goddess pentacle, and getting a look at it, the second board op from the previous story laughed and said "Wow, that's gutsy." "What?" I asked, and he said "Wearing that necklace here." I asked him why, and he said "Because this is SUCH a Christian town!" One of the boys on cast was also in the booth at the time and said "Yeah, don't let [the director] see you wearing that," to which I said "[She] has known me for years, and always seen me wearing pentacles. Not only has she never said a negative word about it, but you guys all know she wears crystals and talks about the sun and moon phases ALL THE TIME. I think a lot of the people here have pagan leanings, if they're not actually pagan." Another member of the cast, the son of the tech director, confirmed my suspicions with a knowing nod and "I'm pretty sure my dad is Wiccan." After that, there was just a silent acknowledgement of the awesome possibility that in the middle of that little Christian town, there could be a whole room full of people of differing beliefs who were all respectful of each other.

I can think of two other stories from the theatre, but those involve people sticking up for my views when a member of the cast bombarded us with Christian subject matter. So while they are stories of acceptance and people not being at all afraid to stand up and say that they supported me, they could also be looked at as stories of prejudice, with the Christian person first giving me grief. So we'll stay away from those for now! But the theatre is not the only place I've gotten compliments or positive feedback on my views:

• At the medieval faire, I'm always complimenting people on their pagan jewelry or tattoos. But the best compliments I've received so far at the faire were probably those from two patrons of the faire who were not in costume, looked like it was their first time there, and had approached just to ask me for directions, not to talk about the Runes (which is what we sell at the stand I work). After talking to me for a moment and finding me helpful, they decided to chat a bit about the weather or something equally mundane, and then the young girl asked, "Is that a pentacle you're wearing?" I said yes and she said "That's very pretty." Then the older woman, presumably the girl's mother, looked closely at it, smiled, and said "Oh that is pretty!" Then they said it was great to meet me and went about their way.
• Three or four of the people at the faire have revealed to me this year that they watch my YouTube channel. Most, if not all of them, started watching due to the medieval faire videos I post, but all said they continued to watch more, and love them. This, of course, means they know a LOT more about me than I know about them! Actually, it's even weird to write this, since they may very well read it someday. Hey, you!
• At craft shows where my mother and I sell pagan-themed things, we've had several people come up and either express like-minded views, or ask us to tell them more about paganism or magick. We have not yet been approached by someone for that type of conversation who has not been open-minded and positive about it all.
• At the UU church I attend, we have started hosting a Magick Class. Four months into it, I keep meeting more and more people interested in magick and paths that incorporate it. These people are not all pagans themselves, but include UUs (of course), Jews, and self-titled "Recovering Catholics." Others have never really given their beliefs a label. Most of us came from Christian/Catholic backgrounds, and a few were raised in pagan-ish beliefs.

An old logo picture I made for my channel, which
shows the three pentacles mentioned in this post.

And finally, a story I briefly related as part of my "Shit People Say to: Pagans, Neopagans, Wiccans, Witches, etc." video: My sophomore year of undergrad, I was a teaching assistant for a freshman colloquium (as I was for the rest of my time there). One of my students was also my dorm floor neighbor, and one day, in my dorm room, he caught a glimpse of my "heavy duty" pewter pentacle necklace, with the Theban alphabet around the circle. A Christian boy from Texas originally (but living in Ohio for years), he took a deep breath and said something to the effect of, "Okay. Cara. That necklace you're wearing. I've been taught that it's bad, but you're wearing it, and you're awesome, so. Could you please tell me what that symbol means to you?" Amazed at this perfect learning opportunity, I quickly obliged, and afterward he thanked me and said that that made so much more sense than what he was taught, because in knowing me as a person, he knew I could never be part of the negative images that he had been taught to associate with the symbol. Today, he is engaged to a mutual friend of ours who used to be a practicing Wiccan/Pagan. As far as I know, she still holds a lot of the same beliefs, but no longer actively practices.

It's sort of amazing what can happen when people simply talk to one another, without judgement. But at the same time, it's not amazing, because it really does happen more than we mention. I mean, it shouldn't be amazing in the sense that we gasp and act surprised when it happens--it should be the default! (Yes, the word "should" is problematic, but you see my point.) People always tend to talk about and report the bad experiences, but we owe credit to the positive experiences, too. It is important to bring the bad stuff to light in order to educate people and learn from it, but I also think it's great to talk about the wonderful people we meet who act as people should always act toward each other--with understanding and mutual respect.

Blessings~

-C-

Short & Sweet (Fox News, Wiccans/pagans, prejudice reduction)

Hey, Readers,

I'm sure by now you have all heard about Fox News' crew, Fox & Friends, saying some ridiculous things about Wiccans and Pagans. It all started because the University of Missouri recognizes Wiccan/pagan holidays on their academic calendar, so that professors cannot give exams on religious holidays, which means students no longer have to choose between studying or attending an exam and practicing their religion. It's not a day off classes, just no exams. This is great! With the large pagan population at UM, it's also completely understandable. But if you try to find information about this online, at least in my experience when I tried it, the majority of articles are neither neutral nor praising UM, nor are they pagan-centered. The majority of articles that came up when I searched it were from Christian-based sites (many had Christian in the name of the website, so I knew immediately, while I had to click on others with non-specific names which revealed their religious status on the page top) arguing that UM is wrong to include these holidays because Wiccans and Pagans are too small a minority, or too much of a "fringe" religion/belief (I don't even think most of them granted us the word "religion") to have our holidays recognized.

What happened was that Fox News did a segment about this, expressing their opinions. A few things they said were said as fact and are not, of course, but they were at least expressing their opinion and the views of the channel. Anyone who knows Fox knows that they have a distinctly conservative bias to begin with. I don't know if they know this, but there are certainly conservative pagans out there, even if most of us are more liberal. So while I and my friends never watch Fox News, there could have very well been some pagans out there watching. I only watched a partial clip of what people are now calling their "attack on Wicca," where the main comments were things such as (and I am paraphrasing but as closely as I can remember),

• There are pagans and Wiccans out there, I guess, though I don't know if they constitute a significant portion of the population.
• (in response to the previous) They don't. [laughter]
• Fully 20% of the holidays at UM are Wiccan/pagan holidays! (Said as though that were absurd.)
• (Shortly after) Wiccans have 20 holidays!
• I bet Wiccans can't even name all their holidays. Who can name 20 holidays?
• But we can't say Merry Christmas? [nervous laughter]
• I guess if you're going to choose a religion, pick the one with the most holidays, haha.
• Any religion that has Halloween as their most significant holiday, I just can't take seriously.
• All the Wiccans I know are about the Earth and for the Earth. That's nice.
• All the Wiccans I know play D&D and live in basements or are middle-aged women who have been divorced multiple times and work as midwives, hahaha. Also something about loving incense.
• I don't know a single Wiccan!

And so on and so forth. And this was only in a few-minutes-long partial clip. The things I heard about the rest of what they said go on to things like "I wouldn't want to see a Wiccan when they're angry," and "They all hate Christianity." So as you can gather, the things they said were just silly, not researched (they even confused their own data, going from 20% into 20 holidays total), and clearly biased. I mean, we understand this simply based on the channel that aired it. Anyone who knows Fox probably was not surprised. The closest to accuracy they got was the person who admitted knowing that Wicca had something to do with the Earth and nature, but that was quickly bowled over by the other person's stereotypes.

Still, I did a response video, addressing things such as the fact that they said they don't know any Wiccans, so now they know me; the amount of holidays we have and that we can name all eight; the percentage issue, because they never said how many holidays UM celebrates, which I learned from a Washington Times article is 42, and 8 of 42 holidays is 19%; the fact that UM recognizes more Jewish holidays than Wiccan/pagan ones (11 as opposed to 8, so I guess if you choose the religion with the most holidays, go for Judaism); and so on. I kept this video as short as possible because I know people aren't going to want to watch something long, and I planned for the possibility that Fox might actually see my video. I kept this video respectful, because while some people may not earn our respect, I believe it does not benefit us to call names or get riled up and prove their point.

Now, I have been informed that one of the people from Fox did "apologize" on Saturday morning, but I didn't see it. From what I heard, his comments were brief, insincere, and basically just said something like I didn't mean to offend any Wiccans, Wiccans have never done wrong by me, live and let live. Which I guess is a nice sentiment, but I don't need any "apology" that is purely to be able to say you apologized. I know they don't feel bad or even realize why the things they said were wrong (the others didn't even apologize, only one person, though I think it was the guy who said the most ridiculous things, at least), so I say, don't even say anything! I didn't sign the petition to get an apology because 1) I knew it wouldn't be sincere and 2) that's not what we need. We need understanding, education, prejudice reduction.

And you know what? It's on us, too. Since this started, YouTube has been recommending other videos that people did in response to this situation, and while I watched some by people I usually watch (linked in my video's description), others were by people whose names I recognize but don't watch, or from people I've never heard of. Most of them were 15-35 minutes long, and the thumbnails revealed the person's face or body language in a position showing anger, lack of control, or generally looking like they were "ranting." One thumbnail shows someone with their face contorted, hands thrown up in attack mode. Another shows a sarcastic look, mouth open mid-challenge, and the incredible length of the video is what told me it must be a rant. I say to you, fellow Wiccans and Pagans, how does that help us? Do you think they're going to listen to an angry witch yell at them for half an hour or even fifteen minutes? Do you think name-calling and raised voices make them take us any more seriously? It was with all these things in mind that I did my video. I scripted it to make sure I said what I wanted to but did not ramble, I put in my real thoughts about their negative biases and lack of credibility while still remaining respectful and calm, and I attempted to include a solution. My video invites those at Fox News, or anyone watching it, to ask me or any other Wiccan or Pagan about our religion. It invites people to educate themselves, because education is the key to prejudice reduction.

We deal with things like this all the time, whether from family and friends, or from strangers online or through TV. In my opinion, we should speak our peace and not stand by and let people spread falsehood against us. We should be honest about what was said incorrectly and what was wrong that needs fixed. But we do not need to follow their example. There is no need for name-calling, stereotyping and generalizing, shouting, or other such things. While these things certainly make us feel better (and you can bet I did my fair share of laughing and cursing while explaining this ridiculous occurrence to my mother and boyfriend), that's not how to handle interpersonal relationships. And actually, if I got a chance to speak to the Fox News people in person, I wouldn't be ashamed to admit what I said in private to my mother and boyfriend, because I still didn't call them names or belittle their own beliefs. So the point is that we can deal with these things in a way that remains respectful and respectable while still sticking up for ourselves, and there is no need for these extra-long, rambling videos that YouTube keeps recommending to me. Sometimes it's best to keep it short and sweet.

Watch my video here.

Click to Tweet the video to Fox News.

Blessings~

-C-

Playdate Update & Offering Help

Hey, Readers,

Here's another two-parter. This one is just an update from the last topic, and a new one I just wanted to write about briefly.

PLAYDATE UPDATE:
My friend and I went to a park to walk and talk and have a picnic. I brought my stuff in a bag, but when my friend showed up, he was carrying all his food! So instead of walking a mile, we started down the nearest trail and stopped at the first bench we came across to have our picnic. We ended up not budging from that bench with our snacks for SIX HOURS, because, well, we both talk a lot. I think it's funny how we seamlessly covered all our mutual big topics, flowing from gay rights to religion to theatre to our recent trips to London to religion in London and theatre in London to working with kids in theatre to theatre about religion and theatre about gay rights. I didn't record any of our conversation, because that would be weird. I was going to take video of our walk, but like I said, we didn't do any more walking. We left after dark from that same bench. So I'm afraid there's no video and no mind-blowing discoveries were made for me to share. But we had a nice time. Next time, maybe we'll actually walk. =P

OFFERING HELP:
This is something that bothers me a lot, and applies to any subject matter. It's the question of when to offer help and when not to. There are a few situations I can think of:

• A person asks for help and opinions. In that case, it's accepted that you offer it. They want to hear from you. Help is appreciated.
• A person does not ask for help or opinions but you have something interesting to say, so you offer it up casually. Maybe it turns out to be new to them and they thank you for the information.
• A person does not ask for help or opinions but you say something to say, so you offer it up as though you assume they don't know, or correct them. As it turns out, they do know it, so it seems like you're condescending to them or telling them what to do. This is not appreciated.
• Sometimes you can do this without sounding condescending, by wording your un-asked-for input as a personal story. You might mention how you experience something, or what you think, without ever sounding like you're correcting the person or assuming what they know.
• Some people also begin input with "I don't know if you already know this, but I think/heard/etc. ..." or "I know you probably know this but maybe someone else could benefit from my view."

Most of the time, people comment with the second kind of thing, or the last thing--something interesting, or something they admit that I might know but they want to say it anyway. Recently someone mentioned something in a video, saying "I'm sure you already know this, so what is your opinion on..." and because they were polite, I admitted that I had not known about the particular thing. I don't mind admitting when I don't know, but generally if I don't know, I ask others to help out.

Other times, people's comments are really insulting even though they clearly don't mean to be. (Sometimes they do mean to be, but mostly they don't. They just mean to help and haven't thought about what they're saying.) When I get such a comment, it's hard for me to get really mad because I know they don't mean to be rude, but at the same time I feel a need to explain that they could really say things in a much better way, or not say anything at all. Here are some examples of these types of comments that are really hair-prickling:

• "You should not do this because I believe it's wrong." My beliefs =/= Your beliefs. I don't do me for you.
• "You should not do this because you're a woman and women should not do that. Men can, however." Please do not place gender roles on people. I am much more polite than some women would be about this. It's not okay.
• "You should not do this because it's not attractive." I don't do me for you.
• "You should not believe this way because I don't like it." Ditto. I don't believe what I do to please others. Remember, your views may not be something I like, either, but you believe it and I respect that.
• "Actually, you're wrong." If I am, you could be more polite about it. But actually, people say this more often when what I said was not wrong. Like I said, if I'm not sure about something, I say so. I think it annoys me more if I'm actually correct, because then I'm dealing with rudeness and not even learning anything in return.
• "You need to do this." Maybe I already do. You're assuming that I don't, just because I didn't say it in the video. Please don't tell me what to do. Even if I already do it, someone telling me to makes me not want to! It's the classic rebellion issue.
• "This is how you do this." Again, you're assuming I don't know how. Word things like this as "This is how I do this" and you'll avoid the negative effects while sharing your valuable information. You may have another, useful way of doing things, but that doesn't mean someone else's way is wrong.
• "You should ask so-and-so how to do this because they actually know how." Ouch. I think you can figure this one out on your own.

It's a tough thing to deal with, because to some people you really could say "I didn't ask you. Don't tell me." But other people do leave helpful or interesting comments without ever sounding like they're saying you're wrong or telling you what to do. Those latter folks should be given candy or muffins or flowers or puppies or whatever good thing they desire. It is a skill that they may not even know they possess! It's also tough because when you tell someone not to tell you what to do, they can counter with the same thing because you're TELLING them not to tell you what to do... See? Yeah. I would hope most people are mature enough to just not impose their views and beliefs on others, or to realize that doing so is not okay. Unfortunately that's not always the case.

So, okay, you read. You listened. Now I'm asking! What kinds of things do people assume YOU don't know, that really bugs you? How do you personally avoid sounding rude when you want to help people? I was a teaching/writing assistant, so I have specific strategies for commenting on someone's writing without cutting them down. Share some strategies for speaking with people in general that you might use, that others could try out!

Blessings~

-C-

Christian Day knows I exist.

One of my viewers just commented on my “SHIT PEOPLE SAY” video asking me if I knew that Christian Day just shared it on Facebook.


WHAT.


My first thought: oh shit, now someone famous in the pagan community knows I exist and I barely know enough about them to form an opinion, oh shit, what. WHAT. WHY.


WHAT.


Turns out, I have Jason Philip to thank for posting it first, because it appears that Mr. Day (“The World’s Most Famous Warlock”) linked it from him. So thanks, Jason! I don’t know who you are either, unfortunately! Also, Christian Day thinks I’m in high school. Just like everyone else. I LOOK very young, but I’m 21, and I made this video during my senior year of undergraduate school but have since graduated. I’ll be 22 this summer. =)


At least Lecia knew I was in college at the time! But yes, I have since graduated, still look young, and yeah. Some people actually make snide comments about lineage, especially to us solitaries. What can you do? Make a video about it so people know they’re not alone. Basically. =P


(xposted)

"SHIT PEOPLE SAY" (Video)

All of a sudden on YouTube, everyone was making these "Shit People Say" videos. Shit People Say to Guys, Shit People Say to Girls, Shit People Say to Vegetarians, and so on. They're all hilarious, relatable, and sometimes eye-opening. I decided I should make one including all the ridiculous things people have said to ME (first hand experience) or to my friends or in personal blogs I read online (second hand) about pagans, Wiccans, witches, and so on.

VIDEO: SHIT PEOPLE SAY TO Pagans, Neopagans, Wiccans, Witches, etc.

A common reaction I get is "Why do you repeat everything so many times?" People say it's annoying that I include the same comment multiple times. My response is, "Because people say the same shit over and over." And it's true! If you think it's annoying to hear me say it five times on a video, imagine hearing it over and over in real life. It's just as annoying. I hope my video portrays that.

I tried to be inclusive with this video in that I included things that have ACTUALLY BEEN SAID, so that means I have some things that were said by Christians, some by Atheists, some by friends, some by strangers, some by people who mean well, some by people who hate what I believe, and some by other pagans, neopagans, and witches. This video is not about bashing another group or saying that only pagans get this kind of mistreatment. You can look up other "Shit People Say" videos that other people have done and see that many other groups hear this stuff, too. This video is simply about what has ACTUALLY been said about these groups that I identify with; some people can relate to it because they hear it, too, and others are stunned to learn that this actually happens. Some even get defensive, saying I probably made it up, no one would say that. Well, someone did. An individual person did. Not a whole group. Not every person ever. But one person actually said all these things.

Enjoy.

Blessings~

-C-