12 December, 2012

Pre-Yule Update

Hey, Readers,

Lots to do, no time at all in which to do it! That goes for my personal life as well as my interpersonal relationships, spiritual practice, day job... You name it. We're always reaching for time, time, time.

It's no wonder I take such pleasure in time travel-centered television shows and movies. While I would never want to change anything, I can relate to the feeling of endless time and space.

As you probably know, I am now living at Grams' house. My mother and her husband have not left yet, but everyone thinks my anxiety and anger at this time is due to their immanent departure. I guarantee that this is not so. Everyone clings to an acceptable answer and crowds around giving me advice for that supposed reality. But the truth is, hardly anyone who's bothering to console me could even take the time to understand what's really wrong. I let them go on thinking the most simple of answers. I save the rest for my close friends, boyfriend, and vague mentions on the internet that I can look back on later.

Due to the move, my day job, and visiting my boyfriend in my major time off, I've had no time to organize anything. I made my bed and put my clothes away in various dressers (I have extra furniture here!). Downstairs, I arranged my futon with mom's showcase as a coffee table on the floor, and my cousin and I hung an old-fashioned lamp from the ceiling above it. My books are (mostly) on shelves, but not in my usual order yet. All the craft supplies are at least in one area of the room, if not all put away. It is a very gradual process. I work all day, come home and eat and maybe take a nap because I'm so tired all the time, and then do whatever is necessary for the day. As you can imagine, this does not always include organizing a section of my life. Very infrequently does it mean time for "practice" in the formal sense, though I keep my usual spiritual elements of daily life throughout.

You know, some people would arrange their altars first, and let the rest of their life take shape from there. I didn't. My altar tables are in general locations, but they are not set up. Instead I focused on my beds, getting my cat comfortable in her new surroundings, and making sure my uniforms for work were all in a reachable location. I set up my "relationship altar," however--the space of reminders of my boyfriend who is attending grad school three hours away. That, and my yoga mat, were kept close at hand from the start.

And though it's fast approaching and it seems I'll have nothing put together by then, I will be doing something for Yule. This will be the first year I celebrate Yule with other people. I'm not exactly sure what will happen, since I was invited to several things, but I hope to find out whether or not those things are all happening fairly soon so I can plan. One is happening some distance away and is a solstice celebration that my former director is hosting, so I know it's not a solely pagan event as he's a Universal minister, not pagan himself. Another is just that the women's group I attended a few times normally does things for holidays, so I thought their monthly meeting might be for Yule, but I haven't heard any plans yet. The third is more complicated: I addressed some "pagan" "friends" of mine about having constantly turned down my invitations to practice or celebrate together over the years, about ignoring my suggestions but turning around and advertising it themselves as though they thought of it all, etc. They completely missed the important points and instead of truly seeking to rectify the issues, they thought it would be enough to just invite me to celebrate Yule with them. I said I would like to have a bonfire, which is the only thing they could think of, but the Universal event is the same night because they're all doing it on solstice night. So I'm just not sure what will end up happening.

My boyfriend will be away for the entire holiday season, which is why I used my time off last weekend to visit him instead of unpacking my life into the new house. Everyone else in my family will be with the people they are romantically involved with (if they have them, which most do. Here I think of Grams, whose loving husband has been gone for some years. But even he will be with us). Yet I will have to celebrate the winter holidays without my other half for the first time in years.

There is a lot to contend with in my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual lives. A lot to give over to the darkness, a lot to bring forth from the light.


so much depends

a length of

pushed and pulled

within a set


With thanks to W.C.W.


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