08 April, 2013

Back-Pack Back-Up Plan

Hey, Readers,

One of my good friends is a high school teacher, but his back-up plan is to sell everything he owns and use the money to travel the world, carrying only the essentials he can manage, and living at various locations where people provide room and board in exchange for doing a few hours of work each day. Aside from what he points out as the downside--losing the security of having a set income and place to live--I completely agree with this back-up plan. It sounds like a really great thing to do, if you can.

Right now, I'm not sure what's going to happen for me. I can't really stay here, though it was decided as the best option for me, and the other possibilities all have drawbacks of their own. I hope to hear back from the jobs I applied for soon (one sounded very promising, they just still have not gotten back to me, just like every other job so far... I wish people would at least get back to you to say "No"), and I'm sure I'll get a summer theatre position but those workshops simply don't start immediately so I have to wait until the shows begin. But even with a job coming soon, this living arrangement is not going to work for the two more years I have until I can get a place with my significant other, who will have completed his Master's degree by then.

I've only been here since December, and it's only just now beginning to warm up a bit. I have only just begun to be able to use my downstairs living space, to be warm enough without having to bundle up in a clump of blankets, so that I can sit and meditate or walk around my altar/coffee table. The convenience of warmth is only just beginning. I have barely begun to be able to enjoy what is supposed to be my own basement bedroom/apartment (minus kitchen and bathroom which I would still have to go upstairs for). Through the winter, I had to sleep upstairs due to the cold, and keep my clothes and other daily essentials there. I wasn't able to spend time outside, or to perform ritual. The time for that has just come. And now I may have to leave it soon.

I wish I didn't have to choose between someone I love and avoiding people I can't stand. I wish there were more separation. But life is like that. With the good comes some bad, and with the bad, some good. By getting rid of everything I can, I lose some items that maybe had meaning to me or somewhere down the line I find myself saying "Oh darn it, I HAD one of those, if only I had kept it!" (Which is my worst fear about getting rid of clothes that I don't wear daily but which OFTEN have been used as costumes!) But I also lose the feeling of being so stuck in a place that I can't leave it if I need to. By leaving, I leave someone I don't want to leave behind with the rest, but I also potentially gain more independence and general happiness. I imagine that even though selling everything you own and traveling the world as you can does mean a bit of insecurity and trouble to get through when you want to settle back down again, there is also so much to find.

But people like me? I can't even begin to entertain that idea until I get myself to a place where I can fit everything into my car if I need to, and go.

Wish me luck and safe passage.


  1. Why does this blog make me feel afraid for you? If you need help you have my e-mail address from my order on etsy. Stranger danger taken into consideration and the fact that you have a beau, I care for you. Please forgive any wrong interpretation of this. I'm just a genuine person.
    With kindest regards,

  2. Cara, I totally understand how you feel. My Highest Self was telling me that I needed to leave my hometown for a long time, and eventually Her voice became so strong inside of me that I couldn't put it off anymore. So I packed some stuff (only clothes, books, blankets, and food) into my car and set off for Asheville with only a couple hundred bucks to my name. Now I'm here, and I'm scared shitless, but I KNOW it's right because my spiritual powers have never been as strong as they are here. I'm living in my car and I don't have a job yet, but I've never felt so solid before. A short summary of my spiritual experiences thus far: I did a grounding meditation and actually felt completely rooted, like a tree. I mean I felt SOLID, like someone could tackle me and just bounce off. I was totally aware of every living thing around me, and I felt their roots too. It was amazing. Then, I did a meditation with an azurite crystal and received a VERY clear vision and my ability to sense energy shot through the roof.
    So maybe you should take a chance too? I know ego wants us to live a safe, sensible, comfortable life, but listen to your Highest Self. She knows what's best for you.
    Whatever you end up doing, I wish you the best. I'll pray for you.

  3. Hang in there Cara; you will know what to do. (:

  4. I just had a thought. My mother was part of the Phone Tree during Vietnam and pretty well for the rest of her life. If we had a Pagan Tree then any Pagan who needed to escape from a situation could reach out and have a support system that is already aligned with us. I can usually tell right from worng (sic)and have an intuite gift that let's me know danger is coming. If a good person came to me for help I'd hope I'd give it. Just a queary though. I figure if you could help start something as wonderful as P.P. than this could be possible. Best of luck and apologies for looking toooo far into your blog. Phip

    1. There are things set up for people in general, "couch surfing" and things like that. My friends have told me there are places online where you can get in touch with people willing to host someone for a little while, and you can plan to go from one place to another. I suppose if things like that already exist, it wouldn't be too much different to specify that you are a pagan/pagan-friendly household, or to start a separate community of that nature and perhaps just advertise it on the ones that already exist. I honestly don't know how it works.

  5. me and my SO are going on a trip very similar to his back up plan, want us to swing by and pick you up on our way =) In all seriousness I hope things work out and get better for you soon