Promises to Self (Yoga)

Hey, Readers,

One of the hardest things about being solitary is keeping your own schedule. If you work alone and something comes up, it's easy to put it off until another time or postpone it indefinitely, because at least you're not letting anyone else down, and you can justify it to yourself fairly easily!

In this case, I haven't been to Yoga in weeks. I only went to two classes so far, two weeks in a row, at the end of March and beginning of April. Last time I was there, I paid for the "new student" package of the next three classes--The one I attended that day, and two more. So I have two classes paid for that I haven't attended yet! This just means that whenever I get there again, the next two times I go are already paid. But after the last class I attended, I was extremely busy all the days they offer the particular class I attend. I could go almost any night and take a DIFFERENT class, but I really think the one I've been going to is the best for my level right now. The class is offered Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and Sunday mornings. Lately I've been doing other things on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and of course I'm in church on Sunday mornings. So I've just gone weeks without going back to class.

The good thing is that I have managed to practice Yoga at home during that down time. At least I can say that much! I didn't do it every single week, but some weeks I would do it multiple days as I felt like it, and others just for a few minutes since I had some time.

Tonight, I decided I would try to get to class again. The class has always begun at 6:30pm, so 5:15 came around and I thought I would have time to eat dinner, have some down time, and then head to class. But I checked the schedule on the website just to see if I could make a class later this week, in case I didn't make it today, and discovered not only that I still can't make the other classes this week, but the Beyond Basics class I usually attend has also been changed to 5:30pm. So I lost an hour, and I haven't eaten anything all day so I definitely don't want to go on an empty stomach. And there's no way I could eat enough in fifteen minutes and get there in time, besides the fact that you're not supposed to eat right before a Yoga class. So due to health reasons, I decided staying home to eat would be better than rushing to class, especially since the teacher is so intense, she'd have me working HARD. Not good on an empty stomach and low sleep.

Here comes the promise part. In order to feel like I'm not just making excuses over and over, week after week, I have to keep a promise to myself to practice on my own. If I've elected to stay home and eat, giving me the rest of the evening to myself (since my Pagan Perspective video is uploading), then I should ideally practice a little on my own this evening. I have ALL NIGHT to use, so I can break it up into just a few poses at a time with long breaks in between, or I can set aside an hour to play some meditative music and just work on as many poses as I can during that time. However I choose to do it, I should do it.

In the Women's Circle I attended last Sunday, for the girls in Coming of Age at church, we talked about the word "should" and how "You should not should on yourself." The word is problematic at best, especially when other people ask me what they should do. Well I don't know what anyone should do, and I don't presume to tell them what to do! But in this case, I don't think this is coming from outside myself. I don't think I feel that I should work a little on my Yoga tonight due to anyone else judging me. Why should I do it? Because I feel that it helps me, and I recognize that I haven't had the time, so I need to make the time.

If I want something to happen, I have to work for it. Whether it be Yoga, work, magick, relationships, or any other part of life. Why should I do this? Why should I do anything? Because I want to. Because I feel that it helps me. Because I am responsible for my own enlightenment.

Blessings~
-C-

Back-Pack Back-Up Plan

Hey, Readers,

One of my good friends is a high school teacher, but his back-up plan is to sell everything he owns and use the money to travel the world, carrying only the essentials he can manage, and living at various locations where people provide room and board in exchange for doing a few hours of work each day. Aside from what he points out as the downside--losing the security of having a set income and place to live--I completely agree with this back-up plan. It sounds like a really great thing to do, if you can.

Right now, I'm not sure what's going to happen for me. I can't really stay here, though it was decided as the best option for me, and the other possibilities all have drawbacks of their own. I hope to hear back from the jobs I applied for soon (one sounded very promising, they just still have not gotten back to me, just like every other job so far... I wish people would at least get back to you to say "No"), and I'm sure I'll get a summer theatre position but those workshops simply don't start immediately so I have to wait until the shows begin. But even with a job coming soon, this living arrangement is not going to work for the two more years I have until I can get a place with my significant other, who will have completed his Master's degree by then.

I've only been here since December, and it's only just now beginning to warm up a bit. I have only just begun to be able to use my downstairs living space, to be warm enough without having to bundle up in a clump of blankets, so that I can sit and meditate or walk around my altar/coffee table. The convenience of warmth is only just beginning. I have barely begun to be able to enjoy what is supposed to be my own basement bedroom/apartment (minus kitchen and bathroom which I would still have to go upstairs for). Through the winter, I had to sleep upstairs due to the cold, and keep my clothes and other daily essentials there. I wasn't able to spend time outside, or to perform ritual. The time for that has just come. And now I may have to leave it soon.

I wish I didn't have to choose between someone I love and avoiding people I can't stand. I wish there were more separation. But life is like that. With the good comes some bad, and with the bad, some good. By getting rid of everything I can, I lose some items that maybe had meaning to me or somewhere down the line I find myself saying "Oh darn it, I HAD one of those, if only I had kept it!" (Which is my worst fear about getting rid of clothes that I don't wear daily but which OFTEN have been used as costumes!) But I also lose the feeling of being so stuck in a place that I can't leave it if I need to. By leaving, I leave someone I don't want to leave behind with the rest, but I also potentially gain more independence and general happiness. I imagine that even though selling everything you own and traveling the world as you can does mean a bit of insecurity and trouble to get through when you want to settle back down again, there is also so much to find.

But people like me? I can't even begin to entertain that idea until I get myself to a place where I can fit everything into my car if I need to, and go.

Wish me luck and safe passage.
Blessings~
-C-

Yay, Yoga!

Hey, Readers!

As usual, there seem to be several topics I'd like to blog about now... Maybe I really should start trying this "scheduled posts" thing. I haven't covered all the subjects I told you back in February I wanted to get to (measuring progress, sex magick, magick and mental state, prejudice reduction, and more), and as I go on living, more and more important topics come up. But this time, I'm going to talk about a very recent topic.

Sneak peek! Still from a video I'll be uploading on
cutewitch772 in a couple days!

Yoga! 

Last night, I went to my very first Yoga class. My experience with Yoga the past several years has been learning poses completely on my own (I recently learned that something I used to do in elementary school is actually Eagle Pose!), or being taught certain stretches in theatre or dance classes, but not being taught them AS Yoga, in a Yoga setting. So while I have done Yoga in theatre and dance, I'd never taken a class specifically in Yoga.

The studio is literally a minute from my Grams' house, where I live now. The sign by the road says "Opening April 7" so I didn't worry about it, but I finally checked out their website on Tuesday night and found out the sign is from a previous year, and they've been having classes all this time! So I looked at the descriptions, decided that I'm at an appropriate level for the "Beyond Basics" class (I already have knowledge of basic poses and sun salutations but probably am not ready for full Vinyasa), and went to the class last night. The first class is free, and new students get a discount on the next three classes, so I paid nothing last night and learned a lot.

There were only three of us in the class, plus the teacher, who is probably not much older than me herself. She was very helpful, and the small class size is perfect for one-on-one attention. I told the teacher when I arrived that I've mostly been teaching myself Yoga for years, so I think I'm at what they consider an intermediate level, but I really want to find out where I am since this is my first formal practice. She was so helpful! When doing certain poses, I was able to ask her if I was doing the pose correctly, since I usually either have to feel it myself or check my reflection. So it was great to get instant feedback--"Great form!" "Lift up a little more here," "Good adjustment," "Can you straighten that knee? Good!" There is a LOT to remember within one pose, and if you concentrate on fixing one thing, you may forget something else you had gotten right before.

The biggest difference for me in this class was that in theatre and dance, we're taught to do certain stretches and if you can't do them, you reach toward it and hopefully your body will work up to it through continued practice. So for certain things, I would do a stretch or pose as I best could but hold back certain things because I knew I couldn't stretch that far yet (I'm very out of practice...). However, in Yoga, the emphasis appears to be more on having the right body position right now, whatever way you have to get there, rather than just stretching gradually and building up to it. I had never used any props before, because I'm used to just working my own body and that's all. But in class, the teacher was quick to place blankets, bolsters, blocks, or anything we needed in order to help us reach the right pose.

Seated on floor.

Seated on rolled up towel for support.

In the above pictures, my straddle width is only improved a small amount by sitting up on a prop, but my back alignment is changed a lot. It's hard to see in two pictures, but if you could toggle back and forth between the two photos, as I can in my Pictures file, you would be able to see that sitting up on the towel does help my back remain straighter. I never even knew I had a problem with that, because the back is not the focus of this stretch in theatre or dance, so no one pointed it out.

It was unusual for me to use props to help a pose, instead of just making myself DO it. But I can see why it's more beneficial to have the correct body alignment while practicing and still work up to maybe doing it on your own, as opposed to practicing with the wrong alignment and possibly not getting the same benefit. Even the teacher sat on a bolster for many poses. The students are all at different levels of practice, have individual strengths and weaknesses, injuries and health problems that prevent certain things, and yet they can all share the same, very small classroom. Yoga doesn't require you to be flexible immediately, nor to be strong or perfectly balanced or spiritually developed. Yoga is a practice just like so many of the things we do. Anyone can start, everyone can benefit, and things develop over time. I made a few personal improvements in just one 1.5 hour practice. All it takes is determination, willingness to learn, positive attitude, and a suitable environment to support your own progress. The extra set of eyes from a trained teacher helps, too. I learned poses on my own and will always practice at home, but there are little things a teacher can really help with. Someday I'd like to teach one or all of the practices I personally do, because I want to help other people the way that great teachers have helped me.

Om. Shanti, Shanti, Shanti. (Brings back memories of being in HAIR.)
Namaste.

-C-