04 January, 2017

New Year, More Me

Greetings, dear Readers,

It's 2017. A new calendar year. For some reason, even though I know it's an "arbitrary" measurement of time, the New Year does seem to feel like something new to me. At least, it has for the past two years, since I started celebrating the New Year in the way I've always wanted to--at home, with my loves, with no midnight phone calls connecting me to people all over the place, no noise... only what I want to do. It's amazing how, when you create that space you want to be in, create that moment and that experience, how you can feel subtle shifts that never seemed to be there before.

Still, on another level, I don't think of the New Year as anything magic(k)al, in itself. It's still one day leading into another. I do not subscribe to the "New Year, New Me!" school of thought. If you choose to make a change, you can do so at ANY time. And even when you do so, it doesn't mean that you are new, or someone entirely different, or somehow not who you just were. You are different, perhaps, in ways. Some people change DRASTICALLY, for better or worse. They are still themselves.

So if that at all makes sense to you, I believe in shifts of energy, and creating change, and becoming a better or deeper or more aware version of myself... But I have always been and will always be myself. That doesn't change, at my core. A lot about me HAS changed over the years. I'm sure more will change.

But it's still me. I'm still Me. I don't plan on being anyone else.

That said, I'm excited to try and tap into some of this great energy I'm feeling. Some of you know, 2016--using the calendar years as a measuring device for chapters of time is much easier now that I'm out of school, whereas before, the academic year was a more concrete marker--was a very tough year for me. I made some great strides in certain areas, but also fell far below my expectations and desires in many others. I struggle with my anxiety and depression since I no longer have access to free professional counseling, and a lot of other factors going on in my life make my burdens and obstacles appear insurmountable.

But I believe in energy, and maybe that alone is helping to cause a Shift. Because I know that my 2017 energy from the Tarot is The Chariot--Movement, Direction, Focus. Everything I need to tap into.

It's not instantaneous work, here. It's gradual. It's a figuring out, and narrowing down, and working through. I just read a great article on Patheos by Chris Godwin in which he wrote, "Enlightenment isn't a goal, it's just a tool, it's turning the damn light on so you can see the work." This is what I've been doing for a while now, seeing the work. But just like anytime I attempt to clean and organize my house... I see a LOT of work to be done! And it's hard to know where to start! It always takes me a while of standing there, overwhelmed, before I remember to just PICK a place, and START SOMEWHERE. 2016 was a lot of overwhelmed assessing of the work that needs done. 2017, I think, ought to be about choosing a place to begin.

I think I'm beginning to find some footholds in the side of this mountain. Finding things, and people, who can help. I'm optimistic about that. There is a lot of work to be done and I just know I can't really go it alone.

So while I have a TON of projects that need to get done--which are either partly accomplished and waiting to be finished, or not yet begun at all--they may or may not have any work done to them. I don't know yet what will come out on top as being the most important first steps. I don't know what second steps I will reach by taking those first steps. I may be lead away from some things I once wanted to do. I may be lead closer to things I thought were not the way.

I don't know yet. I'm going to turn the damn light on and see.

It's 2017. I'm still Cara. Hi. It's me.
There will be no new me. No Cara 2.0.
Hopefully there will be more me, deeper knowledge of me, fuller living as me.
Always me.

New Year. More Deeply Me.

The Chariot Awaits.

Blessings~
-C-

2 comments:

  1. Did you notice the wind changing at midnight? Sounds weird I know. -_- I just hope someone else experienced it.

    As for the anxiety, I too suffer. Not knowing where to start sends me into overwhelm. I am grateful you shared. It is a profound relief to know that it is a thing. A thing other people do experience. Sorry for the ramble. A Belated Happy New Years wish... :)

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  2. Mass consciousness can easily give something like that power.

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