Belief in a Bookstore

Hey, Readers,

This past Sunday, 26 May, someone attempted to save me.

I had church that morning as usual, and then had a few hours to spare before my circle meeting that afternoon. So, like I often do when I'm spending extra time in that area, I went to the Half Price Books store to browse. I was specifically looking to see if they had one witchcraft book, but I always look at all other areas that interest me, just in case. And that day they were having a 20% off sale! I ended up buying an anthology of Robert Frost poems, and Aradia: Gospel of the Witches.

To make a long story short, for the blog, I was sitting on the floor looking at the bottom shelf of Wicca/Witchcraft books when a woman slipped something into my hand and said "Read this later." When I looked down, I was holding a small, gloss-coated booklet called "GOD'S BRIDGE TO ETERNAL LIFE." I didn't know what else to say, so I said "Thank you?" to the woman who was already halfway across the store, and she looked over her shoulder to say "You're welcome."

I was laughing and crying at the same time. I was in total disbelief that that had actually just happened. A young couple, man and woman, who were in the section with me, asked me what was wrong. The girl said, "Oh my gosh, are you okay? What just happened? What did she say?" I held up the booklet and said "Because I'm over here looking at witchcraft books, she just handed me a booklet about God." The girl was incredulous and tried to help me forget it, saying things like "I can't believe that. Do what you want, you're not hurting anyone, forget her." But I was in shock! I was still laughing, eyes watering, shaking with disbelief and the horrible feeling that I could not just let this woman walk away.

Walking around the store, I saw the woman checking out at the counter. I waited near the door and though she initially ducked out of view and tried to avoid my gaze, she looked toward me and I said "I'm sorry, but do you mind if I ask you a question?" She said it was okay, so I told her I've read the Bible, but I was wondering if she'd ever read a book on Wicca or Witchcraft. She said she didn't know much about it, but did I want to sit and talk for a few minutes? Half an hour later, I had heard this woman's spiritual journey and a number of her prejudices, biases, fears, and bad opinions of other people. By the end, I knew she honestly thought that 1) she was right, 2) I believed in lies, and 3) she was making the world a better place. Without going into too much detail about the conversation here, here are a few things she said, sort of in order from how I remember it, but a lot was repeated so this isn't 100% in order:

• "Do you believe in Jesus? Who do you think Jesus is?"
• "What do you think happens when you die? What do you think Heaven is?"
• (And when I answered what I think,) "Why do you keep saying 'I think'? It's not about what we think, it's about what God says." (And when I pointed out that she THINKS God is right,) "Oh, I guess I do."
• "I was raised Catholic and when I was 16 my friend who is Born Again gave me the Gospel, and ever since then my life has been great. I have a 14-year-old son and a husband and my life is [great]."
• "Buddha and the Dalai Lama are created beings. Jesus is God. They're the same person."
• "That's not the Truth. You believe lies."
• "Do you pray to God?" (Then when I described my view of The Universe, as simply as possible,) "Do you PRAY to The Universe?" (More explanation,) "Do you call it The Creator?" (No, I call it The Universe, like I said.)
• (When I explained a vague idea of how I pray and get messages from the Universe,) "Will you consider talking to me today a sign?" [girlish smile]
• "How did you get into all this?" [tapping her hand on the books in my lap]
• "When I saw you looking at those books, I got really emotional. I'm afraid for you."
• (When I asked what she's afraid of,) "When you die, you will go to Hell. Hell is the worst thing ever. Spiritual death is nothing! I mean, physical death is nothing, but spiritual death, going to Hell, is the worst thing ever. You are going to Hell. That is my worst fear."
• "I can see a semi-truck coming straight for you. There is a semi-truck coming, and you're going to get hit. I see it. I mean, I SEE IT. And I would be a horrible person if I didn't say 'HEY, GET OUT OF THE WAY,' you know?"
• "How old are you?"
• "Do you talk to the dead?"
• "Would you consider coming to my church?"
• "I'm going to pray for you. Here's the name of my church, and my name and number, and the pastor's name, if you ever want to talk or ask questions or come hear a sermon, maybe you could just listen to a sermon." (This is a paraphrase to exclude the actual names she said.)
• "Unitarian... They believe all gods are one God, right?"
• "The Bible says witchcraft is wrong, so." (Then I explained that the Bible warns against magick done to harm, which I do not do, and she just stared at me like I was joking.)
• "Those things are lies. All of that is Satan, and Satan is the Prince of Liars."
• (When I explained that not all religions have any concept of Satan or Hell,) "But it's the TRUTH. Satan is REAL, Hell is REAL. The Bible says so and the Bible is the Truth."
• "I don't believe in Catholicism anymore. I think it's idolatry. I think they worship Mary, it's idolatry, and it's a false religion. And I believe Rome leads to Hell." (This was after I told her my family is Roman Catholic and she asked if my grandmother was actually from Italy and I said yes. So, she insulted Grams. Rude.)

She was also shocked or confused when I said that my mother was a Christian, a minister, and a spiritualist and does folk magick, and that most of the people I know who talk to the dead are Christians. And she said some stuff about "sin" at some point, but I don't remember those statements. All of the above are pretty much verbatim. I have a good memory for dialogue. She also kept talking over me at times and asking several questions one after the other. But yeah. This all happened. You should have seen her face when I told her I was actually on my way to a meeting with my circle and I would be telling them about our conversation. She looked half scared to death and half like she was about to laugh, like I was telling a really funny joke. Or maybe she just couldn't believe there were more of us! Haha.

EDIT: 29 May, 11:40am--I woke up this morning and remembered something else she said. When I was explaining how I personally don't do magick that harms and many others don't either, I mentioned that it even includes not harming ourselves, like choosing to eat healthy. She said you can't eat healthy because there are poisonous chemicals in everything. And I said "Well you can still choose to eat healthier things rather than really un-healthy things. There are still better things than others." She said, and I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember her exact wording, that it basically doesn't matter because "God says we cannot add or take a day from our lives." Whatever we do, whether we eat well or eat badly, smoke or don't smoke, it doesn't affect our life because we die on God's time. That's a proactive, helpful thought, huh?

Anyway, if you want to hear me tell the story in a more full sense, check out the video about it here!

And you know, I guess I sort of can consider her talking to me a message. That morning, I was having doubts about whether my circle was going to be something I liked, and how I would fit in. But when that woman approached me, I realized the exact people I needed to see that day were the ladies in my circle. It's not an official group, not formal, I don't know them very well at all, and we meet really infrequently and I hadn't seen them since February because I wasn't available for the days they scheduled in March and April! But when a Christian woman thinks you're going to Hell, you somewhat need to go stand in a circle of witches and pet a few feline priestesses, and eat some miniature chocolates to make you remember that you're okay. The negative energy I felt clinging to me from my exchange with the woman disappeared when I had a positive goal in front of me. So yeah. Maybe it was a sign. But not the one she thought it was.

Thanks for reading,

Blessings~

-C-

Promises to Self (Yoga)

Hey, Readers,

One of the hardest things about being solitary is keeping your own schedule. If you work alone and something comes up, it's easy to put it off until another time or postpone it indefinitely, because at least you're not letting anyone else down, and you can justify it to yourself fairly easily!

In this case, I haven't been to Yoga in weeks. I only went to two classes so far, two weeks in a row, at the end of March and beginning of April. Last time I was there, I paid for the "new student" package of the next three classes--The one I attended that day, and two more. So I have two classes paid for that I haven't attended yet! This just means that whenever I get there again, the next two times I go are already paid. But after the last class I attended, I was extremely busy all the days they offer the particular class I attend. I could go almost any night and take a DIFFERENT class, but I really think the one I've been going to is the best for my level right now. The class is offered Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and Sunday mornings. Lately I've been doing other things on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and of course I'm in church on Sunday mornings. So I've just gone weeks without going back to class.

The good thing is that I have managed to practice Yoga at home during that down time. At least I can say that much! I didn't do it every single week, but some weeks I would do it multiple days as I felt like it, and others just for a few minutes since I had some time.

Tonight, I decided I would try to get to class again. The class has always begun at 6:30pm, so 5:15 came around and I thought I would have time to eat dinner, have some down time, and then head to class. But I checked the schedule on the website just to see if I could make a class later this week, in case I didn't make it today, and discovered not only that I still can't make the other classes this week, but the Beyond Basics class I usually attend has also been changed to 5:30pm. So I lost an hour, and I haven't eaten anything all day so I definitely don't want to go on an empty stomach. And there's no way I could eat enough in fifteen minutes and get there in time, besides the fact that you're not supposed to eat right before a Yoga class. So due to health reasons, I decided staying home to eat would be better than rushing to class, especially since the teacher is so intense, she'd have me working HARD. Not good on an empty stomach and low sleep.

Here comes the promise part. In order to feel like I'm not just making excuses over and over, week after week, I have to keep a promise to myself to practice on my own. If I've elected to stay home and eat, giving me the rest of the evening to myself (since my Pagan Perspective video is uploading), then I should ideally practice a little on my own this evening. I have ALL NIGHT to use, so I can break it up into just a few poses at a time with long breaks in between, or I can set aside an hour to play some meditative music and just work on as many poses as I can during that time. However I choose to do it, I should do it.

In the Women's Circle I attended last Sunday, for the girls in Coming of Age at church, we talked about the word "should" and how "You should not should on yourself." The word is problematic at best, especially when other people ask me what they should do. Well I don't know what anyone should do, and I don't presume to tell them what to do! But in this case, I don't think this is coming from outside myself. I don't think I feel that I should work a little on my Yoga tonight due to anyone else judging me. Why should I do it? Because I feel that it helps me, and I recognize that I haven't had the time, so I need to make the time.

If I want something to happen, I have to work for it. Whether it be Yoga, work, magick, relationships, or any other part of life. Why should I do this? Why should I do anything? Because I want to. Because I feel that it helps me. Because I am responsible for my own enlightenment.

Blessings~
-C-

Atheists and Me

Hey, Readers!

Everyone who comments on my YouTube channel usually leaves some kind of impression, whether it be to make me smile and maybe even remember their compliment years down the road, or to make me very angry and frustrated, or to make me laugh and want more for them in their ignorance and hatred. I get a WIDE variety of comments, as you can imagine! But as much as some of them really upset me, I have to admit that some of the most thought-provoking moments I've had were sparked by conversations (sometimes arguments) with atheists.

I am currently in a committed relationship with an atheist. A few of my closest friends are atheists, and I have some more atheist friends who are not quite AS close yet. One of my friends identifies as humanist specifically, but generally atheist. So I have a lot of atheists close to me in my personal life, and I do sometimes talk with them about religion, but they are all the "old atheist" type who don't mind what anyone believes, as long as we don't try to make them believe anything. Some of them are even curious about my path, ask questions, or participate. The actual arguments or debates come from folks online who usually fall under the description of a "new atheist"--those who don't believe and also want to convince others not to believe.

It sometimes starts with a question. "Why do you believe in this?" "Do you have any proof?" More often, though, it begins with a statement before getting into these questions. "This is bullshit." "Magick isn't real." And most of the time, the first comment includes an identification: "As an atheist..." "I'm atheist." I once had someone simply comment that my religion is fake or bullshit or I'm an idiot for believing it or something, and someone else replied to them saying that they have no right to disrespect my beliefs simply because they disagree, and to please disagree respectfully and not name-call. The initial commenter THEN responded with a group identification: "Actually I'm an atheist therefore I can say your religion is fake." As though that gives you a license to be rude, and as though you speak for all atheists. But most of the time, people identify themselves as their group label, in order to say "This is the perspective I'm coming from." I don't believe I've ever had a discussion about the validity of things like magick without someone identifying themselves by their path, whether it be Atheism, Druidry, Christianity, Pagan rather than Wiccan, or what have you.

The point being... I hear from a lot of atheists! And the past week or so I've been hearing from another one. They asked some of the same questions to begin with, identified themselves as atheist/agnostic immediately, and I answered as simply as I could. They were not uncivil, merely asked things like "What is the point of being Wiccan if you can't do anything that I can't do?" This was in response to a video I had done about what magick is and how it works (i.e. not special effects and movie magic). My response, that is isn't about having a point, made me want to do a video on the subject, which I may still do. Things like that. Arguments or comments from atheists in particular are usually challenging, not always because I don't already know the answer to them for my own path and belief, but because no one else asks the same questions they do. At least, comments I get from other religions are not quite the same. Christians usually just ask why I don't believe in God or Truth or something, and other pagans may focus on a specific way I do things. But atheist questions get at the reasoning of it. Sometimes the answer is very obvious to me, it's just that the question has never been asked of me in that way. This most recent atheist commenter seemed very different from the others, however. I responded to their questions as usual, but when they asked about whether I have experience that supports my belief or whether I base it on "mythological anecdotes like the Bible," I skipped ahead to the final comment that has graced so many debates before:

It is not my responsibility to prove anything to you.

I came to this realization during the last long conversation I had with a new atheist who wouldn't let my belief in magick go, because I couldn't prove it to them. But my beliefs on this are solid. I believe that magick works differently for each person, and that no one should have to believe in something just because they are told, but have their own experiences. So the reasons my explanations of experiences would never convince someone are two-fold. First, my experiences are MINE, and may not be able to be replicated by someone else using the exact methods I used. It has to be made personal. And second, the fact that I have had certain experiences which support my belief does not mean anyone else must believe it if they haven't experienced these things for themselves. I don't always believe people's claims if they don't match what I know to be true from experience. I don't expect anyone to believe anything simply because I say so. That would be akin to the negative parts of other religions that I don't enjoy.

But after skipping ahead to this point, I kept thinking about why on earth I hear from so many atheists. What is their goal? Many of them seem to merely want to disprove me, sufficiently enough to their mind, at least, so that they feel they are still right and I am some uneducated fanatic. I think they, similarly to Christians though I don't think they'd admit it, believe that their way is right and simply cannot tolerate that other people believe something else, and may even think they are saving us from looking like idiots by showing us the light. So many begin their own arguments with name-calling, which is never a solid strategy. But this person, this most recent person, did not appear to be on this road at all. So I wrote to them, explained my frustration with previous conversations and apologized for assuming they would end up striking at the same points as the rest, and asked their opinion on one thing:

Why do I hear from so many atheists? What are they looking for? Do they really just want to disprove me or have a bit of fun, talking to someone they believe to be irrational or stupid? Or are some of them truly looking for proof because they can't find it themselves? Because I seem to have found the answer to some mystery, and they would like to share it if only they could? From many, "Prove it, convince me" is a "Make my day" style challenge. "Bring it on, I'm prepared to refute you." But from others, might it be an actual plea? Show me what I can't seem to find?

I already know that not all atheists are alike. The atheists who leave me harsh comments are nothing like my treasured atheist friends in real life. So I'm not saying this person was a whole new kind of atheist, or anything! Just not the usual atheist that leaves me comments: not combative, but curious. Skeptical, of course, but then again I consider myself a skeptic, as well (a Skeptical Believer, I call it, someone who is skeptical until sufficiently shown that belief makes sense, or a believer who makes sure it's the real thing beyond reasonable doubt. I use this term mostly in paranormal investigation. I believe in spirits, but I will not chalk every noise and shadow up to ghost activity. I will be the first to disprove every claim, go looking for the thing that caused the sound or appearance, because I do not believe in falsehood. I believe in the real thing, and I'm not ashamed to say when you're not looking at the real thing.) I often find things in common with atheists because I think my views are more toward their end of the spectrum of belief than the other. But I'm happy to say that I really am always learning, and this new person's comments made me realize a whole other aspect to atheism. Some of them may just not believe because they haven't found that sufficient proof yet. Not because they never will, but because it's currently the best descriptor for their beliefs. My significant other does not believe and I don't think he ever will, as he never has, and that is fine. But other atheists may not be in that boat.

Magick is about energy. Energy can be felt. I had a feeling about this one, and I was right.

Blessings~
-C-

Beltane '13

Hey, Readers!

Beltane is a sabbat I have never really gotten to celebrate with a big event.

A few years ago, I have a video from Beltane where my friends and I were doing a Blitz theatre production, because it was on a weekend, and that took up my whole weekend. Last year on Beltane, I was in London at a museum. This year I was at my boyfriend's house, enjoying my time with him since he was only here for five days in between school sessions. I would have had an opportunity last weekend to participate in a small group ritual for Beltane, but they scheduled it on the only Sunday in April that I couldn't make it due to my boyfriend's visit and our lunch with some other friends from my church.

I know that the group's plan was to have a bonfire and hang prayer/wish ribbons on a bush, rather than having a full sized May-Pole. My friend offered to write my wishes on ribbons for me since I couldn't make it, but I didn't have her do so since I didn't have time to really think about what I would wish for, and would rather have done it in the moment myself. If I had been at home (Grams' house, instead of my boyfriend's house), I would have at least gone outside to meditate or something, or maybe gone to a local park. Since I was away from home, with really nothing at all and no special place of my own outdoors, I went without any formal celebration. Instead, I just spent various moments throughout the day thinking about the sabbat and what it means to me. (That, and I played the wonderful, humourous song, "First of May" by Jonathan Coulton, for my boyfriend and our friend who was visiting, hahaha.)

At the medieval faire--Not a maypole at the moment,
but this is the same pole and wreath set-up they have
used for maypoles in the past!

Beltane is a sabbat I associate mostly with the may pole (or other things involving weaving ribbons and symbols of unity), balefires/bonfires, and the "wedding" or union of the God and Goddess. It is a fertility festival, but this is not only literal in relation to human beings and animals--It is also the desire and intent for fertile fields and a plentiful harvest for the year. Spring is a time of beginnings, plantings, potential, and promise. It is a time of hope, but also active preparation. Beltane is often the time when many of us here in the northern hemisphere finally see and feel the spring weather which we welcomed and beckoned at Ostara, the vernal equinox. As such, this may be the time people feel the urge to "spring clean." In the wheel of the year, Beltane is the time when the God and Goddess unite, which some think of as their literal "marriage" in the sense we modern humans use the term, or merely their coming together sexually to promote fertility of the earth.

If I were to celebrate this festival a way I feel would be appropriate, I would want the following elements to occur:

• Bonfire. Absolute must-have. And either a smaller fire elsewhere for people to jump over, or at least a time when the main bonfire is let low enough for jumping.
• A maypole dance! That means several people celebrating together!
• If not a maypole, then at least everyone would get ribbons to weave/tie together, wear, hang on branches, etc.
• Possibly a play, with two people portraying the God and Goddess, dancing together. Some things I've read talk about crowning a May King and Queen. It's all symbolism to me, really, so however it works is fine by me.
• If not a play or two specific people portraying the roles, then at least all involved having the basic idea of being a guest at a divine union of Universal balance.
• Gardening. There will be flowers. Maybe even planting things.
• Drum circle. Because they're awesome.
• And then of course the more private symbolic celebration, not to be shared with the group. =)

As I said, Beltane is one of the sabbats I've never really gotten to celebrate, which is odd since I feel it's one of the easiest ideas for people to grasp or remember. But it's just never worked out! Still, even just taking some time to reflect on the significance of the moment is important to me--acknowledging the day and the season, not just letting it go by unnoticed. I think a lot of us struggle to find time for what people think of as "proper celebrations, rituals, etc." but that doesn't mean we do nothing at all. Not everything needs a full ritual. Not everything needs a whole group (though I do think celebrating sabbats is more fun with more people). And if everyday we live our connection to the land, nature, the Universe, and whatever we view as Deity, so much the better. Each holiday is no different than every other day we don't choose to mark with elevated significance, and each blends into the next, becoming not just important dates we cannot miss and those other days when we do whatever, but a solid string of solid, individual, holy days. It is merely helpful to take time every so often to stop, take stock of what's going on around us, and just to notice and honor it.

That said, I do look forward to Midsummer.

Blessings~

-C-

Earth Day Service

Flag hung over the dais for our Earth Day service.

Hello, dear Readers!

As you all know, this past Monday was Earth Day, and the day prior was our Earth Day service at my UU church, which the Green Sanctuary committee planned and executed. We've been planning the service for about a month, and I'm happy to say it came together well! I was very nervous beforehand, but once it got going, things calmed down a lot. This is not to say it was not without bumps, but I think everyone understood this was not something we were able to have everyone together to rehearse over and over. Someone forgot to get up to read something so we had to nudge them, some transitions took too long, and our play was read more slowly than we had rehearsed it. But overall, I heard from people that lay services (services planned by lay members rather than the acting minister) do tend to run long, and that it was worth it. I counted when we were about to start and we had just about 50 people in attendance--not counting the students and teachers down the hall, but actually in the sanctuary for the service--and by mid-way through I noticed that some stragglers had joined us later. I think 50-60 is pretty usual for a general service, so that was good.

You may be able to find links to the songs and readings online. I'll include the numbers as they relate to the UU hymnal, just in case you can find them. Here is a page where you can listen to recordings of hymns from the supplemental hymnal for educational purposes (as in, learning how the songs go!). In doing a quick Google search on UU hymns to find out if you could find them, I actually came across a few pages saying things like "I hate the words to UU hymns," "I feel sorry for UUs who have to sing those songs, Catholic songs are so beautiful," and so on. There is even an article entitled "WHY I AM NOT A UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST" and the first words showing in the search result reveal that this person is not a UU because they think the hymnal "is a disaster." As though the hymnal were the only reason to be a UU! I really enjoy the UU hymns, not only because there are plenty which do not mention the Christian God, but also because I think they touch on something a lot more. AND I like that they're easy melodies that everyone can sing, even people who don't feel comfortable singing or reading music. Besides, UU hymnals do contain Christian and Catholic hymns, as well as Jewish ones, Buddhist and Hindu chants, Native American music, Pagan music, and more. But I digress!

Marianne's Gaia

One of the women from the choir brought in this lovely statue of Gaia which she hand-crafted. She set it up with the flowers. Our Opening Words reading (#417) addressed Gaia as our home and our mother, and also mentioned the Earth as a "blue green" orb. I picked the reading mainly for that reference, since the play I wrote for the service was inspired by one of our members' devotion to the water and the idea that Earth should be called Planet Ocean and the environmental movement should be called BlueGreen instead of just Green.

Our Call to Worship reading (#502) was more about activism, and the fact that now is the proper time for change and work. We have to plant today to reap in the future. Then we all sang a song called Mother Earth, Beloved Garden (#1067) which is one of the first UU hymns I ever sang, during a meeting of my college's UU club. The song has five verses, each one ending with a calling of a direction/element: North, East, South, West, and finally, Center/Spirit.

Keeping Busy

Hey, Readers,

I've been meaning to blog about a couple things, and I think I ought to just do it now so you all know I'm okay! The family calmed down after that night, so much so that I hadn't heard from anyone at all in days! (Aside from Grams, because I live with her, of course.) The morning after the fiasco I overheard plans to kick me out, which were evidently ignored, and I began thinking that perhaps the whole family does not feel this way, and so they were able to ignore the passionate rantings of one person who really didn't understand the whole situation. In any case, no one has said anything to me about anything, until this morning when, walking through my bedroom (it is a thoroughfare between our house and the attached apartment), my cousin and aunt both said "Hey," or something equally quick.

So for now I am still at Grams' house, keeping a low profile, and slowly still going through all my things in preparation for cutting down on my amount of possessions. I thought I would just update you on what's been happening besides.

Last Saturday I spent several hours going through our UU hymnals, playing songs on my flute and looking at various readings, creating a list of many options for our Earth Day service later this month. I came up with about six songs and six readings from the hymnals, plus a few poems from some other books I had: Good Poems, arranged by Garrison Keillor, and Jim Scott's manuscript, Just the Words.

At the meeting on Sunday we narrowed it down to what we would use for the service. We may have too many things, since we are also including a short play I wrote for the service and showing a 10-minute video clip that will make up the bulk of what we want to congregation to think about. If we cut anything, I personally think it should be my play. I'm not even sure the committee really liked it anyway. They were a little iffy when we read it, I felt. But they think that new, original pieces are best to put into the service, so they would probably choose to keep my play and cut some other readings or songs. Readings and songs, mind you, which I also REALLY like. I am writing a chalice lighting for the service, as well, so there would still be an original piece. But we'll see.

Other than that, I applied for a couple theatre positions at the community theatre for the summer. I should definitely get something, since I've worked there before, but this time I'm hoping to be an Instructor's Assistant (sort of like a Stage Manager) instead of just an Intern (Rehearsal Assistant). It's a higher position and also makes twice as much money, which I could really use. I'd like to do multiple workshops if possible--There is a one-week, all-day program in June that I could assist with, and then the other shows I applied for don't begin until later June or July.

Besides that, my mother went to school with a man who ended up working in film in the area, so I've been talking with him and he wants to introduce me to people in the industry and find some work for me there, as well. So far, he has said that there should be a role for me as an actor in a film they will be doing soon (though I have no idea what "soon" means in film-speak, being primarily a stage theatre person so far, and no it's not a "movie" or anything you would hear about!), and that my makeup experience will come in handy for other projects so they could always use me for that.

An interview I did last year, only I was the interview-ee!

This Sunday, I am supposed to be going to an assignment with him so that I can see how they set up for a filming situation rather than live theatre, and they also want me to conduct an interview. You know the style of interview that you see on TV or in documentaries, where someone is speaking in front of the camera but looking off-camera, and the questions being asked have been edited out? That would be me! You never hear me or see me... But my name still goes in the credits, haha. He's supposed to get back to me about a time, and we have to decide where to meet up so that he can drive us into the city and I don't have to drive myself, but that should be cool. I'm looking forward to meeting people and working in different areas.

So because of that, I have been trying to make a list of every theatre-related thing I've done and note whether it was a memorized performance or not. At my college, we do a lot of other things such as readings, script-in-hand performance, and so on. We also did one acts, ten-minutes, and other various forms of theatre besides the usual two-act play or musical.

And that's what I've been up to! On my personal Youtube channel, I have been doing VEDA: Vlog Every Day in April, so those videos are being posted a little at a time as I get them done. There will end up being a video for every day in the month, and they are in a playlist on my channel so you can always find them easily. Right now I'm working on updating my Etsy a little, and I will hopefully be adding brand new items very soon, and that's about it!

Thanks for reading,
Blessings~
-C-



P.S. Usually I only like to blog about religious/spiritual topics, here on The Witchy Stuff. So the thing I wanted to mention here was all the preparation for the UU service. But in light of the recent issues, I figured I would add a little more about my life situation because that is very much a part of my spiritual life--It's all my life. Although, this is NOT a blog about my personal life regardless of subject, and it will not become such. Only things that affect the rest of my subject matter will be brought up, because I really do want this to remain focused on its namesake.

Back-Pack Back-Up Plan

Hey, Readers,

One of my good friends is a high school teacher, but his back-up plan is to sell everything he owns and use the money to travel the world, carrying only the essentials he can manage, and living at various locations where people provide room and board in exchange for doing a few hours of work each day. Aside from what he points out as the downside--losing the security of having a set income and place to live--I completely agree with this back-up plan. It sounds like a really great thing to do, if you can.

Right now, I'm not sure what's going to happen for me. I can't really stay here, though it was decided as the best option for me, and the other possibilities all have drawbacks of their own. I hope to hear back from the jobs I applied for soon (one sounded very promising, they just still have not gotten back to me, just like every other job so far... I wish people would at least get back to you to say "No"), and I'm sure I'll get a summer theatre position but those workshops simply don't start immediately so I have to wait until the shows begin. But even with a job coming soon, this living arrangement is not going to work for the two more years I have until I can get a place with my significant other, who will have completed his Master's degree by then.

I've only been here since December, and it's only just now beginning to warm up a bit. I have only just begun to be able to use my downstairs living space, to be warm enough without having to bundle up in a clump of blankets, so that I can sit and meditate or walk around my altar/coffee table. The convenience of warmth is only just beginning. I have barely begun to be able to enjoy what is supposed to be my own basement bedroom/apartment (minus kitchen and bathroom which I would still have to go upstairs for). Through the winter, I had to sleep upstairs due to the cold, and keep my clothes and other daily essentials there. I wasn't able to spend time outside, or to perform ritual. The time for that has just come. And now I may have to leave it soon.

I wish I didn't have to choose between someone I love and avoiding people I can't stand. I wish there were more separation. But life is like that. With the good comes some bad, and with the bad, some good. By getting rid of everything I can, I lose some items that maybe had meaning to me or somewhere down the line I find myself saying "Oh darn it, I HAD one of those, if only I had kept it!" (Which is my worst fear about getting rid of clothes that I don't wear daily but which OFTEN have been used as costumes!) But I also lose the feeling of being so stuck in a place that I can't leave it if I need to. By leaving, I leave someone I don't want to leave behind with the rest, but I also potentially gain more independence and general happiness. I imagine that even though selling everything you own and traveling the world as you can does mean a bit of insecurity and trouble to get through when you want to settle back down again, there is also so much to find.

But people like me? I can't even begin to entertain that idea until I get myself to a place where I can fit everything into my car if I need to, and go.

Wish me luck and safe passage.
Blessings~
-C-

Reaffirmation & Relativism

Hey, Readers,

Let me take you on a short journey before I begin my own (LONG) analysis. I would ask you to close your eyes, but you have to read! I guess these are the limits of a blog versus a video. =) Still, please, relax and prepare for a quick trip. Read and reflect on this portion before you either 1) click the Read More break link if you're reading this on my main blog page, or 2) scroll down if you're reading this on the page of this post alone. I will leave some room and warn you where this section ends. Thanks!

~

The area around you is as dark as though your eyes were closed, no light shining beyond their lids. A comfortable blackness. You hear murmurs--of water, and of breath--all around. You are in a place full of people, all of whom are waiting, like you. In comfortable blackness. You cannot see, but you know that everyone is looking toward the same end of the space you're in. Soon, there will be something to see. You wait. The ceiling above you begins to glow with a dim light, reflecting from somewhere else. Ah, so there is a ceiling. A room, then. You are at the back of the crowd and cannot see where the light comes from. Suddenly, a burst of light. Someone has lit a large fire at the edge of the crowd. Flames dance along the walls, creating many silhouettes of the people in front of you. The smell and anticipated warmth of flame thrills you. Someone lights something--a torch, or a large candle?--from the main fire, and begins to walk throughout the crowd. A low chant hums in several throats, but you choose to listen. Soon, the flame grows and spreads throughout the crowd. Each person has a white candle. The fire comes to you and you get your own small flame. You warm the candle in your palms, breathing around the flame, focusing on your own personal intent. Somehow, you know your wish is not the same as everyone else's, and yet your goals are more similar than anyone else will admit.

Smoke fills the room, not from the fire, but from incense. First, a thick, heady scent. Rich. Dark. Like the earth, or the comfortable blackness now left behind for the flickering glow. Frankincense, perhaps. You aren't sure. Chanting continues. You wish there were drums. A faster-paced song begins--a celebration with bells! Oh, if only the people would dance! You see scarves, belly-dancers, gold and fringe in your mind's eye. The music calls you to dance! But everyone else remains still, shockingly so... How can they stay so still? Your feet tap to the beat, stopping short of stomping along. There is a large space next to you. It would be so simple to move, to dance, but no one else so much as nods along as they pour out the beautiful sounds of the music. So you stay, though only physically. Soon a fresher aroma meets your nose, a new incense being used to cleanse the space. Eucalyptus, you're almost certain. People have been speaking and singing, but you remain focused on your own flame. At once, the others blow out their candles. "Blow it out?" you ask the woman next to you. "That seems counterproductive." This light is your own, and you love it because it is you. Why should you extinguish it just because everyone else did? And why should you not have danced? Realizing your position, you elect to snuff your flame with the smooth edge of your neighbor's candle. As the folks around you start, you explain. "I don't believe in blowing out candles." They have earned no further explanation from you.

They wouldn't understand.

This tiny flame. A light in the comfortable darkness... Why did we leave the darkness, again? Wasn't it warm? Safe? The light is fine, too. Either one is a fine choice. We lit the tiny flame. We gave it life. We are celebrating LIFE. The flame, it breathes, as we do.

Who am I to take away your breath, little candle... With my own?

~

Take a moment to re-read anything you need to, or just to reflect a bit more, before moving on.

~

Yay, Yoga!

Hey, Readers!

As usual, there seem to be several topics I'd like to blog about now... Maybe I really should start trying this "scheduled posts" thing. I haven't covered all the subjects I told you back in February I wanted to get to (measuring progress, sex magick, magick and mental state, prejudice reduction, and more), and as I go on living, more and more important topics come up. But this time, I'm going to talk about a very recent topic.

Sneak peek! Still from a video I'll be uploading on
cutewitch772 in a couple days!

Yoga! 

Last night, I went to my very first Yoga class. My experience with Yoga the past several years has been learning poses completely on my own (I recently learned that something I used to do in elementary school is actually Eagle Pose!), or being taught certain stretches in theatre or dance classes, but not being taught them AS Yoga, in a Yoga setting. So while I have done Yoga in theatre and dance, I'd never taken a class specifically in Yoga.

The studio is literally a minute from my Grams' house, where I live now. The sign by the road says "Opening April 7" so I didn't worry about it, but I finally checked out their website on Tuesday night and found out the sign is from a previous year, and they've been having classes all this time! So I looked at the descriptions, decided that I'm at an appropriate level for the "Beyond Basics" class (I already have knowledge of basic poses and sun salutations but probably am not ready for full Vinyasa), and went to the class last night. The first class is free, and new students get a discount on the next three classes, so I paid nothing last night and learned a lot.

There were only three of us in the class, plus the teacher, who is probably not much older than me herself. She was very helpful, and the small class size is perfect for one-on-one attention. I told the teacher when I arrived that I've mostly been teaching myself Yoga for years, so I think I'm at what they consider an intermediate level, but I really want to find out where I am since this is my first formal practice. She was so helpful! When doing certain poses, I was able to ask her if I was doing the pose correctly, since I usually either have to feel it myself or check my reflection. So it was great to get instant feedback--"Great form!" "Lift up a little more here," "Good adjustment," "Can you straighten that knee? Good!" There is a LOT to remember within one pose, and if you concentrate on fixing one thing, you may forget something else you had gotten right before.

The biggest difference for me in this class was that in theatre and dance, we're taught to do certain stretches and if you can't do them, you reach toward it and hopefully your body will work up to it through continued practice. So for certain things, I would do a stretch or pose as I best could but hold back certain things because I knew I couldn't stretch that far yet (I'm very out of practice...). However, in Yoga, the emphasis appears to be more on having the right body position right now, whatever way you have to get there, rather than just stretching gradually and building up to it. I had never used any props before, because I'm used to just working my own body and that's all. But in class, the teacher was quick to place blankets, bolsters, blocks, or anything we needed in order to help us reach the right pose.

Seated on floor.

Seated on rolled up towel for support.

In the above pictures, my straddle width is only improved a small amount by sitting up on a prop, but my back alignment is changed a lot. It's hard to see in two pictures, but if you could toggle back and forth between the two photos, as I can in my Pictures file, you would be able to see that sitting up on the towel does help my back remain straighter. I never even knew I had a problem with that, because the back is not the focus of this stretch in theatre or dance, so no one pointed it out.

It was unusual for me to use props to help a pose, instead of just making myself DO it. But I can see why it's more beneficial to have the correct body alignment while practicing and still work up to maybe doing it on your own, as opposed to practicing with the wrong alignment and possibly not getting the same benefit. Even the teacher sat on a bolster for many poses. The students are all at different levels of practice, have individual strengths and weaknesses, injuries and health problems that prevent certain things, and yet they can all share the same, very small classroom. Yoga doesn't require you to be flexible immediately, nor to be strong or perfectly balanced or spiritually developed. Yoga is a practice just like so many of the things we do. Anyone can start, everyone can benefit, and things develop over time. I made a few personal improvements in just one 1.5 hour practice. All it takes is determination, willingness to learn, positive attitude, and a suitable environment to support your own progress. The extra set of eyes from a trained teacher helps, too. I learned poses on my own and will always practice at home, but there are little things a teacher can really help with. Someday I'd like to teach one or all of the practices I personally do, because I want to help other people the way that great teachers have helped me.

Om. Shanti, Shanti, Shanti. (Brings back memories of being in HAIR.)
Namaste.

-C-

Activism Empowerment!

Hey, Readers,

Before I start the post, a quick thank you to the people who commented on my last post! I really appreciate the occasional comment, because while view counts do let me know people are reading, it's even more concrete to me to get feedback. I don't know why, it's just how my brain works--Comments mean people are reading, haha.

~

Last week left me feeling very scattered, stressed, and generally confused about what to do with myself. On the one hand, I care a lot about certain topics, enough that I get really riled up about them, whether it be in response to negativity or just being excited about educating people on the topic. And on the other hand, sometimes the negativity part of it gets me so upset that I question whether I should be caring about these things at all. My boyfriend, other friends, and family members worry about me, sometimes, because I get so upset over people not caring about the things I find extremely important. My last post was about one such topic. So on Friday, I began a little video project about Calm, and how I can de-stress in a stressful environment (the house in which I currently reside). But I left that video for finishing later because I had a lot to do this weekend.

And let me tell you, a LOT happened this weekend!

Saturday:
Saturday morning I went to a meeting for faith groups against fracking. This time it was held at a Christian church in the town where I went to college, so I made sure to attend since it was close enough for me to drive myself. (They have meetings at other places, too, whether it be synagogue, UU churches, or next time it may be a Baptist church.) The organization (the name I will not share for personal reasons, I hope you understand) is made up of over 40 different faith communities, mostly in Ohio but also some in Pennsylvania and West Virginia. It includes Catholic, Jewish, and Protestant faith groups. I got involved because members of my Unitarian Universalist church are heavily involved in running the group and organizing the meetings and action groups. The idea is that if religious groups, especially the congregation leaders, are informed about the dangers of fracking in our communities, they can then inform their congregation back home, and their congregation can take the information out into their personal world. And for many who believe that Earth is part of God's creation, the push is that we should be protecting that, as part of God's gift to us, etc. etc. Obviously as a pagan, I view it a little differently, but details are beside the point!

The meeting was GREAT. Like I said, it was in a Christian church this time, so several reverends said prayers for the Earth (which I could totally get behind as long as the word "God" was replaced with my own personal concept of Deity), and the speakers stood on the floor, between many rows of pews and the dais. We heard from a member of my church who updated the group on some events that had taken place, a woman who gave us specifics on the Keystone XL pipeline and why we need to make sure it isn't built, another woman in charge of a non-religious citizen group who talked for a very long time about various environmental issues, and a young man (around my age) who spoke eloquently about direct action.

The pipes!

When I first took my place in a pew off to the right, I quickly began feeling jittery and almost sick to my stomach. Taking a minute to take stock of myself, I realized this was due to the room itself. The energy in the sanctuary was pulsating, and I wasn't sure if it was from the other activists in the room and their personal energy, or if it was the energy of the sanctuary itself, from all the adherents and their usual services. Yesterday at church I mentioned this to Ron and Judy, two of my fellow Green Sanctuary committee members and members of this anti-fracking group, and Ron asked whether I had been at the meeting early enough to hear them playing the organ. There is a giant organ, the pipes of which make up the entire wall behind the dais and altar area of the church. I told him no, I wasn't there early enough to hear that, but I bet that had something to do with the reverberating energy I felt. Once I settled in and adjusted to the energy, however, the rest of the meeting was smooth sailing.

The young man who spoke about direct action had us all get up and move, talk about our opinions of the importance of direct action, name social movements throughout history, and ultimately discuss what kinds of direct action would be possible and appropriate for this cause. I didn't get to speak to him at the lunch afterwards, but I wanted to hug this kid, because through his talk and information, I realized and affirmed my love and need for activism. On Friday I had worried that I should really forget about certain things and just let people go on about their hateful, regressive lives. But on Saturday I was reminded just how important my causes are to me, and why they have to be so important to some of us in order to create any change.

At the lunch, I spoke to several people from different faith groups in nearby areas, and made some connections. I spoke to a nun from the Catholic school where my grandmother used to work, and when I mentioned Grams' name, the Sister said she was speaking to the granddaughter of a legend! I also spoke to another older UU couple who are also involved in theatre, so I may go to an event they're having at their church (the first UU church I visited, a couple years ago or so) in April. After the lunch, I showed a few people from the meeting around campus, thereby getting a chance to speak to even more people that I hadn't connected with at the lunch, and then just hung around for a few hours until I could see the theatre department's show that evening. It was a musical revue following the development of musical theatre throughout the years, and it was very cute, if absolutely crazy!

Sunday:
I ended up sleeping on the couch in the lounge of my old dorm floor, so I could stay up late visiting with people and not have to head home early. I woke up early and drove the farther distance to my church (since my college campus is in the opposite direction of the church from my home, so it took twice as long).

The service itself wasn't anything too special--it was a poetry service to beckon spring, but nothing struck me as particularly notable, except that the woman who read an Emily Dickinson poem just decided to change several of the words for no reason. I carry a book of Dickinson poetry in my bag, so I was able to check. But after service, I stayed and caught up with a woman named Sage, who had a few more job ideas for me, and we decided we might get a group together to see some films at the Cleveland International Film Festival next month. My Wiccan friend's daughter couldn't find her mother and instead asked me for a dollar to buy a candy bar for Sage's son's fund raiser, so I obliged and got a piece of the candy bar in return. Then I was informed by the DRE that I simply had to stay to watch the documentary about which I had forgotten. So I stayed.

The documentary is called Miss Representation, and was made for/originally shown on the Own network. I hear you can watch it all on YouTube, so you can check it out. It's about portrayal of women by the media, and how we need to make sure our daughters AND our sons know what's real and what is being pushed at us by the media who really just want people to think they have to be a certain way. It's a great documentary, about an hour and ninety minutes long, full of facts and quotes and personal stories. I was upset that the group of viewers decided to go home instead of having a discussion immediately. The discussion will be scheduled for another time, but I think people will forget what needed to be said by then, or not come back for the discussion at all. In any case, this was another topic that really showed why activism is important. Certain people need to be the ones to care, to stand up, to speak up, and to create the change. As the young man at the church meeting said, supporters are very important. Just like in the LGBT community, we need allies, too. The people who don't do the standing and speaking, but silently support, are extremely important to any movement. Though, too, are the activists. And either way, direct or indirect action, people simply need to care. People need to get riled up. People need to worry and be bothered. We just need to make sure we maintain our own peace of mind within that, in order to be able to expend our energy in such realms.

Dalai Lama Words of Wisdom card that started my
"Study in Calm" on Friday, 22 March 2013.

Monday:
So today (and I know this is being posted after midnight, so it's going to show up as a Tuesday post), I completed my video project about Calm. I only altered one line to account for my renewed sense of importance in my own propensity for activism. I didn't want to discount it. It is very important, to me and to the world at large. I will be making a quick video just about this general empowerment topic and what I did this weekend, and then later this week I will post two versions of my Study in Calm. The first is the "study," if you will, which includes several quotes and my personal thought process about the topic. The second version is the same exact video, but without the voiceover, so it only includes the calming sounds I put in the background. I'm very excited to show them both later on this week, and to remember that this weekend, the Universe once again pulled my experiences together to send me a message. And for that, I am grateful.

Blessings~
-C-