Devotion, One Season In

 

Hello, dear readers!

The equinox has passed, which means that I am into the second quarter of my personal theme of the year. I have shared a little bit of detail about my work in the first quarter in the Discord associated with my Patreon (if you support my Patreon, you have the option of also joining the discord server through that, by linking your Discord and Patreon accounts), for those who may be interested. For this second quarter, however, I probably won't share as much in the way of specifics.

Deity relationships are quite personal, and I have found so far that I am most comfortable talking about them with folks who I am close to in community, and not so much on the general internet. I am someone who has various circles of community - followers online who I might not know at all; Patreon supporters who I have a chance to get to know a little more personally through more regular chatting, but still might not know well; community in my tradition, who I work with regularly online or in person and know quite well; and close friends. As such, there are different groups of people with whom I share different things. As this is a general internet space, I will stick to general practice, as I always have.

I wanted to share here the list of associations I've come up with for myself to work toward figuring out or creating for myself with each deity. I may not check every box for each one, but this has been a fun way for me to explore these relationships. When we search online we might commonly find information about deities such as the animals, plants, food and beverages, and areas of influence associated with each one. Some of the things on my list are those types of things, and others go beyond that. I can look up some of these things online as a starting point, but there is also the step of actually utilizing them, or, or finding substitutions and alternatives where the info online might not work for my personal practice and what I have available.

Let's get to the list, and then I'll share more of my thoughts about the process so far!

2024 Personal Practice Theme: Devotion

Hello, dear readers,

Reclaiming Tradition communities often work with an annual theme or story, around which to structure the work of the year in ritual, skill shares, and so on. Not everything has to fit the theme, but it's a way to help guide things and explore a certain area over a given time period. Years ago, I also began working with a personal intention for the year, based on ideas shared by T. Thorn Coyle, who wrote about choosing intentions rather than making new year "resolutions." I have done a yearly intention on and off for about eight years now -- about as long as I've been involved in Reclaiming.

Now I'm part of multiple Reclaiming communities, which will have different themes and intentions for 2024. But aside from all this, I have gotten a nudge from the Universe to have a personal theme. It is kind of also an intention, but it is a broader theme for my work of the year. And, it is a sneaky one for my indecisive and ADHD focus issues, because it is a theme that gets to change focus every few months!

The theme is...

Deepening Devotion to Deities

If you've been following all of my content that I've ever shared, anywhere, over the past few years (I really doubt most people fall into this category lol), then you might know that the topic of devotion has been a big question for me for a while.

Read on to hear more about the path that lead me here, and what I'm planning for this themed work. Maybe you want to do something similar, maybe not for the year, but in general at any point in your practice!

7 Days a Week, Pt. 1: Planets & Deity Names

Hello, Readers,

As I've been reading through some beginner-Witch material again lately, I've started thinking again about basics--building blocks of magic, timing, simple things we can do everyday--and one of the things that came to my mind was timing and intention based on the day of the week. Many people know where our English names for the weekdays came from, but many people also still do not. I remember years ago, when I was first studying Paganism and Witchcraft, mentioning the origin of the days of the week to my mother, who had no idea! So I figure in 2019, maybe some other people still haven't had this come up for them, either. And even if you do know this naming origin stuff, a Part 2 of this post will be going up next, talking about using the planetary and/or Deity associations with the days of the week for deciding what kinds of magic to do on what days. If that is a sort of magical timing you're interested in, look out for that post next.

Image by me, using symbol images from solarsystem.nasa.gov

Days of the Week: Planets & Deities

There are seven days in our calendar weeks, and this has been the case for centuries although it was not always that way. The Roman Empire was responsible for the shift sometime between the 1st and 3rd centuries, according to the Wiki article which I will link below with other sources. There were also seven "classical planets", or moving celestial bodies that, at the time, could be seen with the naked eye and were known to the astronomers of classical antiquity. We would not use the term "planet" for all of them today, as the definition has changed over the years. One of them is our Sun, which we know as a star. The other is our Moon, which we consider a "satellite" today because a planet would have to be orbiting the Sun directly, whereas our Moon orbits Earth.

These seven classical planetary bodies were the Sun, the Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. Earth was not included because, well, we live here. It was all about what we could see up in space from where we were.

Oh My Gods

Hey, Readers,

There are a lot of videos and blogs I need to do, but as usual when multiple topics pile up that I want to get to in some semblance of order, something else crops up that feels more immediate and wants to be discussed right now. This is one of those things.

I want to talk about Deity, God, gods, the Universe, theism, and what have you. And what have you?

Lately I've been seeing a few articles from Patheos about polytheism, theism, atheism, people who believe in the gods as literal versus those who view Deity more as archetypal energies, and so on. I also had an opportunity to get together with a friend of mine yesterday, who asked me a bit about the gods and the many viewpoints about them that exist within Paganism. There is also someone I chat with online who is beginning to discover how they personally relate to Deity, if at all. I know I've kind of talked about this before, so forgive me if it sounds repetitive, but I wanted to put down some of my thoughts at this time.

Without putting labels on it, I want to just talk about my ideas of Deity and how they (They) appear in my life.

My Goddess (A Poem, or Prayer)

Hey, Readers,

Most of my rituals and spells are made up in the moment, or improvised from a vocabulary of intent that I have built up over the years. As such, I often create new things on the spot, when needed, and then write them down to use again later. Here is a poem I wrote while making a long drive on dangerously snow-covered roads last week:


"My Goddess rules these valleys
My Goddess rules these hills
My Goddess rules this majesty
Both turbulent and still

My Goddess rules these oceans
My Goddess rules these lakes
My Goddess rules my victories
and She rules my mistakes

My Goddess is all-knowing
My Goddess can see all
My Goddess sees me rising
and She will see me fall

She's seen me through the valleys
She's seen me o'er the hills
She's helped me all throughout  my path
and She will guide me still"


This was in reference to a specific goddess of travel named Elen, to whom I pray often while driving, even in regular weather conditions. But this could also apply to other goddesses, and this very much speaks to me of Mother Earth/Gaia as well. I do not usually share things like this, things that I've written for my own path, but I thought perhaps it might be nice to occasionally share with you the kind of things I write and use in my own practice.

Blessings~
-C-

"Doesn't It Drive You Crazy?!"

Hey, Readers,

At work, I have two bosses. One is Catholic. The other is Agnostic, Pagan-ish but not practicing. They are great friends, and of course, business partners. They are wonderful! I love them both. I do not name their religions for any sort of commentary on their religious identities, merely to identify them apart from one another and give you a basic idea of where they're coming from in that regard.

My co-worker told me shortly after we met and started working together that she is also Pagan, though not practicing and very new to identifying as Pagan at all. She told me this because, she said, she could tell that I was Pagan. I don't know how she could tell this--the only discussions we'd had that were at all relevant were about tasseomancy and tarot, but whatever the reason, she knew and shared this with me.

Eventually, my co-worker told our Catholic boss that we were both Pagan.
The negative reaction from our boss startled my co-worker, who is not out of the broom closet at all and has never experienced the prejudice or discrimination that sometimes comes with being open about a minority identity such as religion.

Right before Halloween, I overheard my bosses discussing religion and why Pagans celebrate Halloween and Christmas, and why they call it Christmas if Christmas is about Christ. This is when I heard my Agnostic boss say that she is not a practicing Pagan and usually just considers herself Agnostic. I took the opportunity to offer some of my views on why Pagans celebrate Christmas (with our Christian families, usually), and to explain the Winter Solstice/Yule and its difference from and similarity to Christmas, and so on. So we've had some discussions at work about religion. Though our Catholic boss was clearly under-informed or misinformed about some things, I was really happy that she was willing to listen and ask questions. So many people will not even do that. I am grateful for those opportunities.

Today, my co-worker said something about her old teacher, who happens to go to my church, as we learned recently. Our Catholic boss looked very confused. I didn't notice this, but my co-worker asked her what was wrong, and our boss asked, "Pagans go to church now?" I laughed and said "Oh, yeah, I go to a Unitarian Universalist church. It's for everyone. You can believe anything. There are several Pagans at my church, and people of many other faiths."

The following conversation ensued:

Rights to Terms (Wiccan)

Hey, Readers,

Even as I typed the title for this post, I realized just how big a topic it really is. This goes into so many areas that I've come across in the past year, such as whether neopagans can use certain practices from some faiths, whether you have to be a certain gender or race or nationality to use some practice, and so on. Due to all the ways this could go, I'm going to stick to my original intention when I opened up this page to post a blog, which is to discuss a little more my choice to call myself a Wiccan.

I wrote a long post on my tumblr about this a while ago, where I describe the conversation I had with an initiated Gardnerian crone to whom I really look for guidance. When we first got acquainted, I actually didn't know that she was Gardnerian, just that she was Wiccan and believed and practiced very similar to myself, but with the added benefit of the wisdom of her years. It wasn't until I knew her for a couple years already that I heard her say she was an initiated Gardnerian, and I was like, "What?!" Because, in my experience, Gardnerians online are the ones who say you can't be a Wiccan if this, and you're not a real Wiccan if that. And actually, there are a lot of non-Wiccans, or non-initiates who say that, as well. But the books I read, and the experiences I've had with Deity, have told me that it isn't necessary to be initiated by another human being in order to follow Deity in a certain way.

I know myself. I know what my beliefs and practices are, and I know that they are not akin to traditional Wicca. Yet, there are beliefs that are Wiccan which I do hold. I was lucky enough to be able to speak to one Gardnerian initiate, and she asked me things like, "How do you do this? What do you do when you do this part of ritual? What goes through your mind? What does this thing mean to you?" And I was honest because after all these years of being told I'm wrong, dangit, I just wanted to know once and for all! And I was not told "Sorry, child, that's not Wiccan." Instead I heard surprise and pride, "That's exactly what we did in my covens, and it says a lot to me that you came upon this on your own." (These are all paraphrases, not the exact quotes.) And we discussed things that we think are characteristic of Wicca, whether it be traditional or eclectic, solitary or group. To me, a person who believes these Wiccan beliefs can call themselves a Wiccan. But people who do not have the same beliefs at all, probably should not. As I've said several times before in videos and maybe on here, I did message with a man online who told me that he is Wiccan but purposely does not follow the Wiccan Rede. Well, I personally feel that there is probably a better label out there for him than "Wiccan." I've also had a young kid message me talking about a very specific practice format he was using, involving a certain number of deities, the practitioner being a sacrifice, and so on, and claiming it was Wiccan. In fact, I assume he was asking me about this because I identify as Wiccan and he thought what he was doing was Wiccan. It didn't sound like any kind of Wicca I had ever heard of, even after doing some more research, so I asked what his sources were, and as it turns out, it wasn't a Wiccan source. He just wanted to use the label. I don't think people should use the label willy-nilly for no reason at all. But I think if your belief and practice falls within the realm, you should not be told that you cannot use a term for yourself.

Gerald Gardner may not agree with me. But I'm not Gardnerian. I don't claim to be.

(I've even had people say I can't be Wiccan if I don't follow Gardner because he started it. There are a good many examples of things evolving and moving past their initiators--pardon the word choice.)

I bring this up again because I was checking old comments on one of my videos, and I found a reply from a year ago that I never saw or replied to. It's old news now, so I won't reply to it and cause more issue, but I do think it's good to talk about. Someone told me that they are a traditionalist of the sense that they believe you must be initiated and things like that, in order to properly claim the title "Wiccan." I said that I agreed with their right to believe this, which is why I never claim to be a Traditional Wiccan. That would be incorrect as I have not been initiated into a tradition. But I don't believe you have to be initiated into your own belief, and I think Deity is actually the only one(s) that needs to accept us on a certain path. I told them that I do think some people use the term for no reason (such as the examples I gave above), but that through my research and speaking with initiates, I have determined that I may call myself Wiccan based on my actual belief and practice. Their reply which I did not see until now, says that while they respect the thought I have put into this, they still don't think I have a right to use the term, and since they strongly believe this and I strongly believe what I believe, we should agree to disagree. And as most people will when they know they're being rude but don't want to be, they ended the comment with a smiley face.

I do think it's everyone's right to choose what works best for them. If you personally believe that you shouldn't use a term until you are initiated into a group, that's fine. But I don't think it's okay to tell other people they cannot do something, based on your personal belief for yourself. Sounds a lot like non-pagans telling us what we need to do, doesn't it? Why the ingroup prejudice? I have a pretty good friend/acquaintance on YouTube who has made it clear to me multiple times that he personally will not ever call himself a Wiccan until he is initiated, AND that he will not accept any branch of Wicca other than Gardnerian--even those that developed directly from Gardnerian (Alexandrian, Algard, etc.)--because he personally believes Traditional Gardnerian Wicca is the only valid one. But never once has he claimed that I am not a real Wiccan or that I am doing it wrong. The fact that he personally needs a certain thing, doesn't make him think of me in a lesser way. I appreciate that so much.

And no, I don't think every traditional Wiccan is going to think I'm okay just because several of them have. Just because some initiates accept me and my right to use a term that describes my belief, does not mean they all will. That just means I would probably work better with those who care about my beliefs, and not whether a human male initiate initiated me. (No one usually mentions the fact that technically each person must be initiated by the opposite sex, but yet in many covens throughout the years there were not enough men, so women were initiated by women. So what's the important thing, being initiated? Or being initiated exactly the way Gardner said we should be?)

The fact of the matter is that practices evolve. People change things, the times change things, resources change things... Yes, some people use terms to describe something that has no tie at all to the original thing, in which case it seems like maybe you could choose a better term. But a lot of people fit Wicca who don't do it the way it was done in the 40s and 50s. Even initiates don't do things the exact same way as their predecessors. Each coven that breaks off can change the way it does things if it chooses to. Let's say hypothetically that each coven hiving off changes one thing about how they believe or practice. Then covens hiving off from there each change one more thing, so on and so on. If the branching off eventually gets so far away from the original beliefs and practices that none of it looks like Wicca anymore, are they still Wiccan based on lineage of initiation? Or are the beliefs and practices really what matters, regardless?

When you get right down to it, I honestly don't care what label I use. I have a preferred one, but it's still just words used to help describe my views. I don't care what label best helps people describe me in their own mind. However, I do care when people think they know what someone else is. So yes, we should agree to disagree. I may be bothered by the fact that deep down, you don't think I have a right to my own belief's terminology because I don't have the same resources you do. Just like it still seemed weird when a Christian friend told me, "Yeah, I respect your beliefs. I think you're going to Hell, but I respect your beliefs." "I don't think you deserve the same term I do, but I respect your beliefs." But no, we're not hurting each other by disagreeing. My path doesn't affect yours, and your path doesn't affect mine.

And yeah, okay, I frequently deal with people of completely other faiths by saying something like "I respect that belief, but I don't personally believe it." Somehow I think this is different than "I respect that you have that belief but don't think you have the right to it," or "I respect that belief but I still think you're wrong." I don't necessarily think people are wrong just because it doesn't work for me. (Some beliefs I do think are "wrong," morally, but that's another story.)

And I have known people in my personal life whose choice to use certain terms offended me, because since I know them in real life I know the supreme lack of actual knowledge or experience they put into it. So to me it's an insult to use a term having put no work into it, which I have worked for years to feel able to use. So I do understand that some traditionalists may find my use of the term the same exact kind of insult. They got initiated and I didn't so I don't deserve it. I do sympathize there, since these people do not know me personally and cannot know exactly the work I've put in. The lack of access to a coven is one thing. To me, the effort, belief, practice, knowledge, and experience are another.

One day, I will approach a level of wisdom such that it will not even bother me that people really don't respect me. One day, I will not mind at all what people say, and I will not feel any need to defend myself, educate others about their misinformation and hatred, or even to give it a thought. Perhaps one day I will drop my activist standpoint and just let people judge and hate and dictate, because it really doesn't affect me. That day, it will not matter to me that people are incorrect when they think they know it all.

But, oh, readers and friends... Today is not that day. It is an ongoing process. I can feel much improvement from my stance a decade ago, and even a few years ago. But I still have far to go.

Blessings~
-C-

Messages from The Killian Star

Hey, Readers,

I have recently started and finished a book that's been sitting on our shelves for several years now, The Killian Star. It was written by Alyson E. Denny, who is a friend of my mother's, and that's why we have the book. I'm going to do a video review of the book, so I won't get too much into that here, but I do want to talk about something else which stems from my reading of it (which I'll probably also make a video about, but I wanted to write it out here, too).

It does seem that everything falls into place, that things come to me just when I need them. In this case, of course the book has been lying around here for an age, but it was only this past week that I said to my mother, "You know, I always wanted to read this, I'll get through it this week and give it back to you before you move." And that's what I did, and that's when it was able to give me its message.

Oh, wow, I've literally only JUST realized something... Alyson wrote in the front of the book a note to my mother, saying that she hoped my mom would glean the book's secret message. Now I can only wonder if she meant what I'm about to tell you about! Huh! I can't believe I didn't think of that until now.

Anyway, as I'll mention in my review, the story itself is very interesting but the book is in want of an editor. To me, having been a teaching and writing assistant for three and a half years during my undergrad career, it read like one of my students' rough drafts. It was much better thought out and planned than many of them, but the abundance of typographical errors, spelling errors, and moments when you can no longer tell which character is speaking because something was written incorrectly or left out... well, it distracted me quite a bit. Especially in the beginning of the book when the story is more in pieces. But after a while, the action consolidates and I was able to concentrate more on the story than the misplaced commas and quotation marks, and I did end up gaining something from the story, though I didn't realize it until Friday night.

There are actually two moments in the book that have played out for me this weekend, as follows:

1) In the story, a ghost tells the main character's friend that he will be able to hear the spirit's instructions as thought suggestions in his mind. He won't necessarily hear the ghost's voice, but suddenly he would know what to do. The character experiences it exactly this way, speaking aloud words that he knows he wouldn't have known to say on his own, so he realizes he must be hearing the spirits' messages.

On Friday night, my boyfriend came back into town for a visit and came to my house, after which we both drove our individual cars to his house so that I'd have my car to drive to church and back home on Sunday. It was snowing a lot for the first time so far this year, and I need new tires. Things were going along well until we got to an intersection that was very snow-covered, even with all the traffic, and my boyfriend signaled in front of me to turn left, which is not the way I usually go. I slowed down and began to slide off the road. I managed to stop safely, but then I had trouble getting the car to go through the intersection and onto the next road because my tires wouldn't grip through the snow. But I got through that, and continued along. Now, this road I'd never been on before turned out to be very downhill, and very winding. Not good in snow and with bad tires. Needless to say, there were several moments when I almost slid into other cars, into trees, off the road in general, and I was crawling along, trying not to lose control of the vehicle.

As I mentioned in my recent video about the deities I actually work with, Elen of the Ways is my helper on the road, so I squeezed my bag of lavender and asked for her help. I'd asked for her help before, but never when I was actually already in a dangerous situation. I spoke to her, mostly to calm me down. Then a particularly bad slide had me really frightened, and as I straightened the car back out I said aloud, "Elen, please help me stay safe, and tell me what you want as an offering!" Just then I turned a corner and saw a deer crossing sign. Deer being sacred to Elen, I knew that meant she was listening (remember, I'd never been on this road, so I didn't know there was a deer crossing sign ahead). I started to cry as I said thank you and continued driving along. I repeated, "Tell me what you'd like as an offering so I can give you a proper thanks," and immediately images came into my head, just like for the character in The Killian Star. I got three images, three objects, all three things I could easily find for offerings, for which I was grateful. One of the things, the first, was an apple, and I happened to be eating an apple before I started driving and had the rest on the seat next to me. The second thing was snow. When I arrived at my boyfriend's safely, I tossed my apple into the snow. (I should add at this point that I firmly believe that while many things may be commonly known about the gods, I think some things differ for each follower. Elen may have purposely given me instructions she knew I could follow at the time. For someone else following her, apples and snow may not be the answer. I am very grateful to have gotten my own answers, and feel free to test it out for yourself, but I'm certainly no authority and my experiences should not trump your own!)

I have never received an answer so quickly in that format before, of thoughts or images just popping right into my head. I've had things like the sign appearing, suddenly coming across or seeing something physical that relates to the message and tells me the gods are listening. And I've had reactions from the environment, like sounds of animals, rushes of wind, and so on. And I've seen images in my mind's eye, but never so quickly or as an answer to an immediate request, just more like in meditations which are drawn out. But I absolutely believe that the only reason I was able to get a message in that way, as a thought suggestion, is because reading about it in the book made that format come forward in my mind.

2) In the story, a Native American woman named Eva talks a lot about the importance of dreams and listening to them to gain insight. The main character of the book has a lot of strange dreams, and Eva encourages her to pay attention to them and try to find out what they mean.

Of course I've always paid attention to my dreams--dream analysis has been one of my favorite little hobbies for years--but again, this just came at such an appropriate time, that I wonder if Eva's reminders in the book didn't open my subconscious up even more to receiving messages that way. Last night, I had a long dream which took place mostly in a very cluttered new age shop. I remember paying attention to and looking for items that I am interested in in my waking life, such as different shaped incense burners, candles, and other altar decor. But it wasn't any of those things that turned up messages, it was a few small things that I didn't remember until I woke up. One, a silver chain and what looked like abalone shell necklace which was very over-priced. I remember in the dream, myself and a little girl were reading the tag, which said it was made from something with a really long scientific name, which basically means in my waking life, it didn't matter what the substance was. It was the other word on the tag that mattered: Apollo. The other item, a package of specialty incense sticks, which were, again, very over-priced. I remember thinking in the dream, I am not paying $4.00 for 5 short sticks of incense, that's ridiculous. But I flipped through them to see the scents, and just like the chain and shell necklace tag, the names of the incenses were all gibberish. Except for one: Hecate.

As you know from a previous blog entry, I've been thinking more about starting my relationships with several deities I've felt drawn to over the years, because I've always thought I should wait for messages and with none coming I thought none were meant for me, but I've realized that maybe instead of waiting I should just go for it and see how they respond. Yet, all of a sudden, here we have more! All these years I've never so much as seen a deity's name in a dream, and then I get TWO in ONE DREAM. One of which I wasn't even planning on getting much more into, Hecate. But perhaps my recent participation in a ritual in her honor, and my honest offerings to her, have begun that relationsip already without my conscious decision. I guess it is true that Deity chooses us in the long run, with or without a slight nudge from ourselves.

Apollo. Hecate. Dionysus. Athena. Elen. All have given me a proverbial "thumbs up" in one way or another, whether it be through messages, answered pleas, hijacked ritual experiences, or subtle clues in books. The other deities I've worked with have not been given quite enough attention yet to tell, but all will come in time.

There is so much work to be done.

Blessings~
-C-

Comment question: If you work with deities regularly, how did your relationship with them begin? How has it evolved?

Deity Worship

Hey, Readers,

This is the blog I said I was setting out to do in the last post!

Many of you should already know this, but I'll start with a bit of background. I'm a solitary practitioner most of the time, and I was definitely completely solitary for the majority of my decade-ish of practice (the early years, particularly). My path is Wiccan-based, but also eclectic, having been brought up learning bits and pieces from other cultures and always embracing those things that resonated with me. As I grew to learn more vocabulary and terminology, such as the difference between a hard polytheist and a soft one, or between a polytheist and a pantheist and an omnitheist, I obviously thought a lot about how I see Deity. I did a video for Pagan Perspective last week about how I view Deity and I have a pretty good idea of it now, but I used to not have the vocabulary to describe it.

To catch you up, my view of Deity is basically a cross between a soft polytheistic one and a pantheistic one. I find it hard to choose either one term, and I normally say soft polytheism, though my overall view definitely includes pantheism. In simplest terms possible, I recognize that many deities exist and I may call upon any of them when their realm of expertise is in question, but I think of them not as literal beings but as personifications that humans use to classify something far greater that we cannot understand in simple terms at all. And beyond this, I think that "something far greater" is one thing, ultimately. So yes, I recognize many, but I think they all boil down to one. And not one "God" but one Energy, one Force, one Balance. (This is all part of why I also feel so very at home with the Unitarian Universalist church!) I call this Force-Balance-Energy-Oneness "UE" or Universal Energy, because to me, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the Energy of the whole entire Universe--and maybe parallel Universes, but that's another blog entry.

Finally, to the point, Cara!
Now that you've been appraised of the situation of my mind, I can discuss my thoughts as far as worship. Having these views as described above, I have always found the idea of having a patron God and matron Goddess strange, for me. I view them all as equal and necessary at different times (there is a whole other -theism term for that!), but also all as ultimately one, so... How could I possibly be meant to work with only a few? Could I be drawn to one or two? I know most about these, but then do I just ignore these others? Maybe some are more important to my life now and they'll change later? I don't know, I'll wait and see... That was my thought process, and so for years when people ask me, I've just said that I have not yet felt called to any particular deities, so I work with general Goddess and God. And that has been fine with me. But lately, I've been thinking. And that's dangerous. It leads to change. And to progress. Yikes. =)

So I've been thinking, and I've been wondering whether I've been taking the right approach. I keep asking deity to tell me if I'm meant to work with anyone, and to aid me in becoming closer to the God aspect, but I haven't felt any pull so I thought that meant I was alright where I was. But now I'm thinking maybe it means I just haven't listened very well. I got one brief signal about a particular goddess, and I did more research and thought "This could be something!" but didn't want to start working with her until I KNEW. No other signs came. Well, hello, Cara, that could possibly mean the ball's in your court, I thought! Then, over the summer, I started to develop a strong relationship (or at least a strong pull of one, and I was working toward the relationship part) with the spirit of Willow and Oak. There are two trees in my area that have been landmarks in my life, so I sought to work with them as connections to the divine feminine and masculine, rather than particular deities. Willow came much easier than Oak because I can see her more often, as she is out in the open by the lake and Oak is tucked back in the woods, ringed with prickers and poisonous plants and hornets' nests... Talk about a metaphor for my difficulty connecting to the masculine! Then there have also been other times where I simply honor a deity or speak to them, and even though they're not a deity I've "felt a pull from," or whatever it is I think I'm waiting for, something magickal definitely takes place! I recently prayed to Athena and felt a connection. At Mabon, I honored Dionysus and absolutely felt his welcome. I attended a ritual for Hecate and felt a new appreciation for her, and only since then learned that Willow is also sacred to her. I feel there are connections all around me now, I just felt that I shouldn't presume they were there before enough to act on them...

Thus, my question is this. Especially for those of you who DO work with specific deities, how did you know? And for my case, does it make sense to just go ahead and honor a deity that I'm interested in, or that I feel deserves a bit of notice from me, even though maybe they're not "my" deity? I joked to Dionysus that I'm probably not the kind of witch he'd expect to have as his friend, but I wanted to address him anyway, and I think he showed me a thing or two about who I really am. And I'd never met Hecate but I offered her things that I take very seriously. Another deity I speak to often, I actually learned about from one of my favorite fictional stories! Though, to be fair, it is based on historical events and religious background.

My problem is, admittedly, that I don't want to offend anyone (deity or human) by seeking a relationship that just isn't for me. I mentioned in my last post that I follow Chris' blog and he's a Hellenic polytheist who works with Athena, so is it shallow for me to work with her as an eclectic? Or when I speak to Thor, does it step on the toes of my Norse pantheist friend, Eric, who's made much deeper connections with that pantheon? On any other topic you'd hear me emphatically shout, NO! Of course not! Your connections are PERSONAL and whatever Deity says to YOU is said to YOU. Other people's experiences with the same deity may differ, because you are not the same people! Still, even though I do have a soft view of Deity, I respect each and every one of them in their many, many aspects and cultural forms, and do not ever wish to presume their place in my practice.

I hope to look back on this one day, knowing how long I've been mulling over these ideas, from a place of understanding in whatever I learn in the future. However it turns out, I know I'll laugh at this, for ever taking it quite so seriously. Thanks for being along for the ride.

Blessings~
-C-